Annoying the Akatsuki 101
by Teslyn
Summary: [First Fanfic]What happens when four members of the Akatsuki hold a girl captive to lure the Kyuubi? And what happens when that girl turns out to be a notorious prankster set on making her captors regret meeting her? [reposting]
1. Of Talkative Girls

**A/N:**

**_Disclaimer: -sigh- I do not own Naruto. But I wish I did. –kicks _****_Masashi Kishimoto_****_- Yep. He owns Naruto._**

**Yay! My first fanfic – it's supposed to be funny. In a slightly alternate universe because of Saraiyu and her wind manipulation and talking to animals. **

**I do try to keep the characters in character, which is sort of hard cause I rarely watch the show… but I do read the manga and stuff. **

**Please review!**

**Chapter 1:**

**_Of Talkative Girls_**

xXx

"Art is a bang," one of the four people at the table stated. Though he had girly hair, which was blond and tied in a ponytail, yet it let a fair of hair hang down, hiding half of the man's face, Deidara was still quite obviously a man. Okay, maybe not _that_ obvious…

Red eyes belonging to another man with equally red hair fixed the girly-looking guy with a glare. "Art is immortal, long las-"

"Sasori! Deidara! Art is stupid, so both of you just shut up." The annoyed remark came from a man with pale blue skin, gills under his eyes, and an over all shark appearance. This comment immediately raised indignant protests from the other two.

"Art is a bang!" Deidara said yet again, at the same time Sasori yelled, "Art is immortal."

The fourth man at the table merely glared at each of the people in turn, his red-black eyes kinda creepy. Very few people knew that over-use of the Mangekyo Sharingan had deteriorated Uchiha Itachi's vision to a near-blind state. But everyone at the table knew since they lived with Itachi and saw him walking around, trying to pretend he could see, well, everyday, pretty much.

The other three went over this conversation God knows how many times, and it annoyed Itachi to no end.

"What do you think, Itachi?…yeah." Deidara asked (as he usually did at this point of the conversation.) Thankfully, this night, Itachi was spared from answering because of a knock on the door.

"I'll get it…" Kisame sighed, reluctantly getting up.

xXx

"Wtf?" Was the shark-man's first comment on seeing the young girl standing at the door. She looked about thirteen, and had curly blond hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hi!" She piped with a big smile. Which didn't wilt one bit under Kisame's glare. On the contrary, it seemed to make her more talkative. "You know, that's not really polite. The first time you've seen me (sorta) and the first thing you say is wtf? I mean, if this was Tsunade-sama in you're position, the first thing she'd say would probably be 'Who the hell are you?', which is a great deal better than 'Wtf?'."

All Kisame could do was stare at the girl who wore a white blouse, sleeves rolled up at the elbows, and brown pants. A brown cloak was pinned at her shoulder by a silver brooch that appeared to be the leaf symbol that the ninja from Konohagakure wore, the same symbol that was slashed out on Kisame's partner's head protector.

Finally, the fish man managed a slightly strangled, "Who the hell are you?" The girl smiled… approvingly?

"Well… I'm Saraiyu." She said simply, giving only one name in an offhand manner. Kisame stared. "Wtf are you doing here?"

"Well, Naruto is off studying with the Legendary Pervert, Sakura is with the Legendary Sucker, and Sasuke is with the Legendary Freakishly-Scary Snake-man. And I was booooored. So I decided to see if I could find the Akatsuki and see what they were up to.. And judging from your horribly ugly robes, I'm guessing I found them?"

"How the hell did you find us?" Came yet another question from Kisame.

"Don't say 'hell'. It's vulgar." The girl – Saraiyu – said absently. And then added, "Well, I followed the signs. You know, the ones that said. 'Secret Akatsuki lair – 10 miles', and 'Secret Akatsuki lair – 5 miles – Almost There', and 'Akatsuki Lair – 1 mile. Don't go any further if you fear death.' And eventually, I came to that god-ugly black-and-red sign that said, 'Welcome to the Akatsuki Lair.' It really wasn't that hard… You should consider making this place slightly harder to find."

Kisame was taking this all in, somewhat dazed, and barely processed what the girl was babbling. A couple of words like "Naruto", "Sasuke," "God-ugly", and "Legendary" managed to rekindle the evil intelligence that was there. Sort of.

His voice still a little strangled, he asked, "You know the Kyubi container?"

"Yes… he's my twin, duh. Except he looks a little different because of the Kyubi," the girl paused to shudder. "Ew. To think I'd have whiskers if the Fourth decided to trap the Kyubi in _me_." Another shudder.

_Whiskers? What is this girl talking about? But… the Kyubi container's sister. He would most definitely come after her if he knew we kidnapped her… and we could easily lay a trap for him!_

"Hold on a second." Kisame ordered. "Don't move." Saraiyu merely nodded, and proceeded to talk to a squirrel that had been perched on her shoulder.

xXx

"You mean the girl says she's the Kyubi container's twin?" Itachi asked, yet again, after his partner managed to tell him who was at the door.

"Yes!"

"Then we should keep her here and let it be known that we have her. The boy would certainly come here after her!"

xXx

Though she was not a shinobi, Saraiyu manipulated wind. Wind was one of her friends, and did what the girl asked. Asked, mind. One did not go around ordering their friends. Well, a decent friend didn't.

None of the four Akatsuki members gathered in the kitchen area noticed that a window had blown open, carrying winds that wafted through them out the window and to Saraiyu. The winds bore words that Saraiyu could hear; she Listened to the winds.

"_Kyubi container's twin?"_ An unknown, harsh, voice asked.

"_Yes!"_ That was from the fish who had opened the door.

"_Keep her here… boy would certainly… after her!"_

Though her skill in Listening was imperfect, Sarai got the main idea. The Akatsuki planned to hold her captive so they could lure Naruto and capture him… Thwarting them, and making them regret their decision dearly would be fun. The door opened, revealing the fish once again.

"Come in." He said, and stepped aside to let the talkative, energetic girl in.

**A/N: Dun dun dun… Hehe, please review! I'll love you forever if you do!**


	2. Of Sleepless Nights and Nicknames

**A/N: **

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. –cry- I wish I did… 

**Yay! Chapter 2, please review! Oh yea, if I put (( double parenthesis)) in the middle of the chapter, that indicates a A/N… cuz I'm too lazy to put a (A/N) mmkay? Thanks! And POV's will change somewhat frequently. xDD**

**And I know my chapters a little on the short side… Sorry! I'll try to make them longer.**

**xXxXxXx**

**Chapter 2:**

**_Of Sleepless Nights and Nicknames_**

Saraiyu followed Kisame through the kitchen, noting the other three Akatsuki at the table. It had been decided that the girl would sleep in the room next to Itachi's; the Uchiha might be near-blind, but he was a light sleeper and would hear the girl if she tried to leave the room. She would be allowed to wander the house and village during the day, and would be taken with Itachi and Kisame on their missions.

Leading the girl to the third door on the left side of the hallway on the second floor of the house, Kisame pointed out Sasori's, Deidara's, Itachi's, and his own room to the girl, with the instructions to _never_ open them without knocking, especially Itachi's. Damn girl would probably get herself freaking killed that way. The girl nodded, but didn't speak.

xXx

Sarai opened the door to the room which was to be her own, taking it all in. A bed, and beside it a small nightstand, a wardrobe with draws settled in the corner, and a shoji screen cut off what must be the washroom from view. There was only one window, yet it was large enough for a determined thirteen-year-old girl to climb through, and silently, at that. Silence was the key.

Gesturing at the door beside the wardrobe, she asked the fish what it was. Irritated, the man responded that it connected to Itachi's room, should she try to escape. With a delighted smile, that drew attention away from the mischievous glint in her bright eyes, her tone held excitement as she asked, "So I'm a captive now?"

"Yes." Was the irritated response. The fish-man left the room, shutting the door behind him. Letting the smile fade from her face, Sarai set down her two bags on the bed.

When she was done hanging up her spare clothes and her extra cloak, Sarai hung the cloak she was wearing on a peg next to the door. The leaf cloak pin she set on the nightstand. Next to it, she set a recording and replaying-type device, and turned it on. Then, lying on her bed, tired from her traveling, Sarai fell to sleep easily, despite the replaying device. But a certain light sleeper next door might not have as easy a time, which she was aiming for…

xXx

Leaving her room, Kisame wondered to himself. _Was the girl actually… happy that she's a captive now?_ Given her delighted smile and excited tone, she certainly seemed it. Kisame had never understood children, only killed them, and he had a funny feeling that Saraiyu was like no other little girl he'd ever met. Or killed.

The four Akatsuki who lived in this house in the village rotated making dinner and cleaning up; tonight wasn't Kisame's night, so he was able to return to his room after leading Saraiyu to hers.

xXx

A little after Sasori and Deidara had left for their rooms, Itachi finished washing the bowls. Though he was practically blind, he knew this house as well as the back of his hand, and routine made it easy for him to do daily things, such as dressing, and washing, and eating. And finding his room. Missions were harder for him, yet strangely, his vision was much better in darkness, which was when the main part of most of his missions took place.

Returning to his room, in which the light was never on, Itachi hung his Akatsuki cloak on a peg and laid on his bed, thinking. Indeed there was much to think about. That girl, for instance. The four had agreed that it would be best if Saraiyu went with Itachi and Kisame on their missions, yet she would probably hold the team behind.

On the verge of sleep, about to fall into it, something alerted Itachi. Sitting up in his bed, he didn't have to strain his ears to hear the noise. It seemed to be… a song? Yes... he could hear it now…

_Waddily acha, Waddily acha,_

_Doodily do. Doodily do._

_It's the simplest song,_

_There isn't much to it._

_All you gotta do is_

_Doodily do it._

_I like the rest but_

_The part I like the best goes_

_Doodily, doodily doo._

_Whoo!_

_**((That's a camp song I learned. XDD))**_

_Wtf?_ Itachi wondered, annoyed. The thrice-cursed song was coming from the room where the girl was. Every time Itachi was about to drift into dreamland, the song jolted him wide-awake again. Now, he was certain on three things. One, he wouldn't get much sleep, if any, tonight. Two, it would definitely be that girl's fault. Three, he was definitely going to have a talk with that same girl.

An hour after dawn, Itachi woke. Only an hour's worth of sleep, because thankfully, the cursed song stopped at dawn. Blindly (with sleep, not because he had horrible vision), he managed to wash his face, and pull on his Akatsuki cloak. After he made his way downstairs, he stopped in his tracks at the threshold of the kitchen.

Saraiyu – an appallingly wide awake Saraiyu – sat next to Deidara, across from Sasori. She looked completely bored, and judging from the empty bowl in front of her, she had been bored for a while. Sasori and Deidara were arguing about one thing or another – thankfully, not about art, but Itachi seriously doubted that they could argue about something that didn't pertain to art for long. The girl, on the other hand, watched them, and was wearing what she arrived in yesterday, minus the cloak.

With the absence of the brown cloak, the interesting little leaf-brooch was pinned to her collar. At least that's what he thought it was… it was hard to tell, in this light. In this light he was pretty much blind. He had taken to wearing his hat indoors to shade his eyes from the light, and he proceeded to pull it on now.

Leaning against the wall where nobody could see him, Itachi watched silently, yawning now and then. Kisame was not there; unless there was a reason, his partner _never_ got up this early.

Periodically, the girl would casually tap Deidara with her spoon. The artist's head would whip to the side, in a futile attempt to find out who tapped him; he never suspected the girl who was having trouble holding in her giggles sitting on his other side. Closing his eyes, his keen ears filled with the annoying stifled giggles of the girl, Itachi drifted off into a semi-conscious sleep that had been kept from him by that Waddily song. He could hear everything, while getting some rest.

xXx

"Anyway, Sasori-danna, art is a bang… yeah." Sarai groaned inwardly. It was funny tapping the blond man, and then trying to pull off an innocent face, but this was probably the eighth time since dawn that these two where having this conversation.

Despite the fact that he had probably killed more people than Sarai could count, and his tendency to add "yeah" or "hmm" after his sentences, Sarai found herself liking the blond Deidara. When it wasn't downright annoying, she found his and his partner's arguments about art quite amusing. Strange, that S-Class criminals in an evil gang could have such… well, petty arguments. It sounded like a verbal fight that Sakura and Naruto would get into.

"Shut up, Deidara. Art is immortal, something that lasts. Good art is, anyway. You don't just blow it up, like you do your little clay figures." Sasori's remark was punctuated by the explosion of a small clay bird that Deidara had just let fly.

"Well, Saraiyu, who do you agree with?… yeah." Deidara asked, pleased that this morning, a new person could add their views to this ever-present talk.

"Sarai. I like being called Sarai," the girl said, completely changing the subject, hoping the whole conversation would be forgotten. But no such luck. Then again, she didn't expect her small ploy to work; Deidara was seemed intent on getting Sarai's comments.

"Well then, Sarai, what do _you_ think about art?… yeah." Noting the currently snoozing man leaning against the wall just outside of the kitchen with a touch of amusement, Sarai managed to keep yet another urge giggle down.

"Well… I don't know. I'm not a big fan of art, but I think I agree with Fire-Top." She said lazily. Two sets of eyes swiveled to her. Well, technically, one set of eyes, and then Deidara's cyan-colored one. His little scope-thing didn't really count. She shifted under their intense gazes. She folded her legs underneath her, propped her elbows up onto the table, and rested her chin in her hands.

"_What_ did you call me?" Sasori asked, his voice taking on a slightly angry and dangerous tone. With a bright, exaggerated smile, Sarai giggled.

"Fire-Top. You know, with the red hair and everything. Just an idle nickname…" She trailed off under Fire-Top's glare, yet the smile stayed plastered in place. The redhead arched an eyebrow.

"A nickname." He repeated coolly. "Just for me?" His voice held doubt.

"Oh no! I made one up for everyone!" The peppiness in her voice was unfeigned.

"Lets hear them… yeah." Deidara said, sounding as if he'd rather not. Sarai opened her mouth to tell, but was interrupted when Kisame walked in. He wasn't looking where he was walking, though. He was staring at Itachi, who was half-asleep against the wall. Which wasn't entirely all that smart, because he managed to walk into the wall.

"Why the hell is Itachi standing right there half sleeping?" Kisame demanded, ignoring Sasori's and Deidara's 'Wow, you're up early… for you' comments.

"Hmm… Good question, Sharky, but I can't say I'm sure. He probably didn't get enough sleep last night. Tsk, tsk. Though why someone who should be intelligent stayed up all night is beyond me…" _Okay… maybe tsking and implying that Itachi is an idiot was overdoing it a little…_ Sarai thought under Kisame's glare.

But she started to laugh. Like, serious, downright laughing. She couldn't help it. God, she was surrounded by weirdoes who were S-Class criminals, and arguing about art, and a shark was glaring at her. Who wouldn't be laughing madly in a situation like this?

Her laughter was cut off by Kisame's voice. "_Sharky?_" Sarai shrugged, the picture of perfect innocence. Which was as far from the truth as you can get, of course.

"Sharky. Where the hell did you come up with that?" Kisame muttered. Sarai shrugged again. "Don't say 'hell'. It's vulgar." The shark-man raised an eyebrow incredulously. Sarai raised a challenging one in reply. "And besides. You _do_ look like a shark. And Fire-Top's hair _does_ remind me of fire. And the Freak Artist's hair does look kinda freaky. And the Creep outside's eyes _are_ kinda creepy."

At the same time, four men yelled their respective nicknames in outraged voices, with the exception of Itachi. His voice was more of a dead monotone, merely repeating her words with absolutely no emotion. But then again, Sarai always found it hard to be angry, or hyper, or anything when she had been robbed of a whole night's sleep. Not that Itachi's sleepless night had had _anything_ to do with her. Well, there was no evidence that someone could track her down with.

_Gawd, I'm surrounded by four creepy S-Class Akatsuki criminals… and they're all freaking pissed at me. _Just the same, Saraiyu still couldn't help being amused at her situation.

What had the world come to when a girl who isn't even a ninja mocks four memebers of the vicious, deadly Akatsuki?

**A/N:**

**Hope you liked it! Please Review!**

**I won't be able to write another chapter for a couple of weeks, sorry!**

**And thanks to the people who reviewed last chapter!**

**--Aes Sedai**


	3. Of SasukeShirts and Fluffy Pink Clouds

**A/N: w00t! Four reviews! I had expected to be writing to myself… But yay! **

**Umm… yea, stupid disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me… Cuz if he did, the Akatsuki would be wearing hot-pink cloaks and they would be flying cows, Orochimaru wouldn't be a snake freak, Kabuto would be totally more geeky than he already is and end up marrying Ino, Hinata and Sakura would be flip-flopped (I like the name Hinata better than Sakura), penguins would rule the world, and um… yea anyway, on with the story.**

**Hope you like it. Cheers xD. **

_**xXx**_

**Chapter 3:**

**_Of Sasuke-Shirts and Fluffy Pink Clouds_**

A broken chair, a flurry of defending squirrels, a lot of wind, four pissed off Akatsuki members, and a clay bird exploding in her face later, Saraiyu managed to get back to her room and lock the door. Checking her face in the mirror she was relieved to see she had only suffered minor scrapes and cuts from the clay bird, and there weren't many of them.

Washing the clay off her face, Sarai savored the memory of the looks on the foursome's face a few minutes ago. _Yep. I am _definitely _getting under their skin…_ Kisame's face had been the perfect picture of outrage, mirroring the look on Sasori's and Deidara's; Itachi just looked like he hadn't gotten a good night's sleep, which he hadn't thanks to the most annoying song Sarai could think up.

Deciding to lie low for the rest of the day, which would be a very good idea considering four very powerful people were downright ticked off with her, Sarai nimbly climbed through the window, standing on her bed and vaulting over. Landing on a momentarily hardened platform of air, which placed her gently, and quickly on the ground (it took quite a lot of strength to keep her winds solid for long), Sarai decided to explore the "secret" village.

According to Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu, Zetsu, and some other guy whose name she didn't catch (but probably just as insanely weird looking as the rest of the gang) lived in a house opposite of the one she had just climbed out of. That house looked the exact same as the one behind her; no adventure there. The long building to the right of both houses was were the medical nins lived and worked. To the left of the houses was the entrance. Apparently, the oh so mysterious Leader-dude of this oh so evil group jumped around, and contacted Zetsu whenever there was a new mission for a team_. Pfft. What kind of a name is Zetsu?_ Sarai mused to herself.

Though a dense, thick forest surrounded the whole village, there was only one tree in it. It happened to be the largest tree the girl had ever seen, and was smack-dab in the center of the not-so-hard-to-find secret lair. It was probably there for two reasons. A) No one really felt like rooting the damn thing up, or B) One of the Akatsuki had a love of trees and wouldn't let anyone cut the tree down. Had she been asked this question before, she probably would have answered A, no questions asked. This morning, though, changed her mind. Considering the quirks of Deidara and Sasori, perhaps the idea of a tree-hugging Akatsuki wasn't _that_ ridiculous… Either way, the tree was the center of Sarai's curiosity, and in Konoha, she had been infamous for her cat's sense of curiosity. Skipping to the tree, Sarai curled up underneath it, and promptly fell asleep. Unknown to her, her beloved animal friends (mostly squirrels and other animals that could make a quick getaway if anyone saw them) arranged themselves on and around her sleeping form, chattering animatedly.

xXx

The four notorious and totally evil men who lived in the house had periodic "meetings" to discuss things happening, and to share information gathered on various missions. But they were never _real_ meetings to discuss _real_ problems. And today was one of those rare days when there was a real (if slightly small) "problem" on hand. And that problem was named Uzumaki Saraiyu. Most likely no member of the Akatsuki had ever met a person, let alone a thirteen-year-old girl, who was seemingly fearless of them. Oh, they knew that she was probably scared witless inside, but she was very good at concealing emotions behind an irritating mask of beaming joy. And this, to them, was a problem. A big one. The meeting convened directly after the broken chair had been disposed of and a spare one was found to replaced it, for none of the Akatsuki really wanted to live with an annoying little girl for however long the Kyubi container trained with this "Legendary Pervert," as the girl called him. Now that they thought about it, she was probably referring to one of the _Densetsu no Sannin_, the Legendary Three. And upon further thinking, they realized it was most likely Jiraiya, who, after all, had written the Icha Icha Paradaisu (Make-Out Paradise) novels. (Which Itachi secretly loved, though he would have died of embarrassment if any of his comrades learned that. Or perhaps he would have killed them instead…)

"That girl is freaking annoying!" Kisame sputtered in outrage. _Sharky?_ Was the girl drunk or something? And she dared to _laugh_ at him? And claim he looked like a shark? Well, he did, but that was beside the point! Normally, Kisame was polite and calm (at least more so than the others), but Saraiyu could send probably anyone overboard with that idiotic giggle of hers. It still echoed in his ears!

"I agree. Either that… _girl_ is looking for an unpleasant way to die, or she is completely stark raving mad!" Sasori replied coolly. Personally, he agreed with the latter. She certainly seemed like she had jumped off the deep end. Years ago, at that. But she did seem very nice… and she agreed with him that art was _not_ a bang.

"Mm… But the Kyubi… yeah." Deidara added, somewhat inarticulate, as usual. Itachi agreed with Deidara; she was needed to lure the Kyubi, but to when her usefulness ended…

"Oh, yes." Sasori said, making Itachi jump inwardly. He had not realized that he had spoken his thoughts out loud. Which was a measure of how tired he was. Normally, a sleepless night didn't have that bad of an effect on him, but a night of listening to that song… gyah!

"Lets go see how the girl is doing later,… perhaps we can put _some_ fear of the Akatsuki into her. Kisame will watch her door, and make sure she doesn't leave her room." Itachi said, cool as ever. _And I have a personal score to settle. Waddily ach, wadd-ARGH!_

Standing, he left for the couch in the den, hoping to catch up on some sleep.

xXx

Some hours after midday (which both Itachi and Saraiyu slept through) the four men who lived in the house were gathered in Itachi's room. (Sasori, Deidara, and Kisame were tickled to see pink roses on Itachi's windowsill, but they were all smart enough to avoid bringing attention to them by staring, laughing, or commenting. Itachi was, after all, the strongest, and could probably bring them all to their knees crying like little girls with his Mangekyo Sharingan.)

At first, they had all been at Saraiyu's door. The door had never opened once, under Kisame's careful watch, and he had barely heard a sound inside. The four had come to an unspoken, mutual agreement that Itachi would be their spokesperson, which was perfectly fine with him. Turning the handle, Itachi opened the door. Well, he would have if the handle had actually turned, and the door had actually opened. But, alas, the game called Life is cruel (especially if you're playing with little blue-eyed, innocent-faced girls who cheat), and neither door nor handle did what Itachi wanted. "Girl! Unlock the door!" He yelled. And waited. And waited. And waited. And waited some more. And finally, after forever and a day of waiting, and angry yelling, and some colorful language from Kisame, Itachi finally realized that he could simply go to his room and open the adjoining door that didn't possess a lock. So that was how they all ended up in Itachi's room. At long last, Itachi opened the door and prepared to deliver is scathing speech and demonstration of his Sharingan. And was completely and totally shocked to see Saraiyu was not there.

"Where the hell did she go! I was standing at her door all fucking day!" Kisame cursed, seriously annoyed at this point.

"Ah… the window… yeah." Deidara sighed, staring at the window.

"Damn! Now we have to look for her? She could be any freaking where by now!" Sasori muttered. But Itachi was standing at the foot of the girl's bed, staring out the window, and deadly silent. Slowly, the others shuffled until they were beside him, staring in the same direction as the Uchiha.

"Don't tell me…" Kisame started, trailing off. Under the Superly-Giant Tree (surprisingly, when the village had been chosen for the headquarters of the Akatsuki, Zetsu wouldn't let anyone cut the tree down) was the figure of a curled up girl, and the looming silhouette of a man who apparently had a Venus Fly Trap on his head. Damn. Damn. Damn!

xXx

Filing outside, the slightly shocked criminals stood in a silent line next to Zetsu, to whom they all deferred slightly too.

"Explain. Now." The white side of his face said in a flat tone. "Yes, do tell. I am quite curious to see a little girl curled up under this tree, asleep," the black half of his face added.

Itachi sighed. "She's called Uzumaki Saraiyu, and is the Kyubi container's sister. We were holding her captive on the hopes of luring the Kyubi container into a trap." He explained in a cool, uninterested tone. Yes, Itachi was a master of acting distant and uncaring. Glancing at the others, he smiled inwardly. Sasori had arched an eyebrow at the sight of Saraiyu surrounded by sleeping rabbits, squirrels, and other small animals.

"Art is a bang… yeah." Deidara said, while blowing up a small clay dove in the slumbering girl's face. At the noise, the squirrels and rabbits jumped up, and fled, squirrels up the Tree, and rabbits scampering away. Saraiyu jumped to her feet, murmuring, "Wha-_what?_" Upon seeing the murderous looking criminals in front of her, she added tartly, "I was sleeping. The _polite_ thing to do would have been to wake me nicely? You know, just tapping me? No need for more Fireworks, Freak!"

And then, her blazing eyes resting on Zetsu, she muttered, almost inaudibly, some that sounded like, "Knew it was a tree-hugger that kept the tree. A freakish human-Venus fly trap explains it all…" At this comment (which was obviously directed at Zetsu) the corners of the multi-personality plant-man's lips twitched in a coolly amused smile. Utterly shocked, Itachi forgot his angry speech and Mangekyo Sharingan. Lucky for Saraiyu.

xXx

For Sarai, the day's events were pretty satisfactory. A few scrapes from the Exploding Clay were totally worth everything. Tonight, though, she had better plans. Sending some wisps of wind to Itachi's room, with strict instructions to stuff themselves in the Akatsuki's ears as ear mufflers, she waited until she got the okay from the mouse (whose name was Jurple) perched on Itachi's window. Sliding out of bed, silent as a shadow, Sarai held her breath as she opened the adjoining door to Itachi's room. She nearly swallowed her tongue as the man shifted in his sleep, but he didn't wake.

Grinning maniacally, she lifted the Akatsuki cloak off of the hook, and dragged a bucket of bright pink paint out of her room…

Yawning, the next morning, Sarai woke an hour before dawn, to complete Phase II of the night's work…

xXx

Sitting at the table after eating a quick breakfast, Sarai buried her head under her arms as Sasori and Deidara, who happened to be early birds, argued about art, occasionally sneaking glances at an equally annoyed looking Kisame. Sasori and Deidara had both expressed surprise at seeing Kisame at the table seated next to Sarai when they arrived; Kisame was not known for getting up early. Quite the contrary, actually. Which was probably why he looked tired and infrequently snapped, "Shut up you two!" though his outbursts had no effect on the arguing artists.

Thankfully, or maybe not so thankfully for some people, conversation stopped as Itachi walked in the room. Everyone at the table knew that Itachi was practically blind, which was why he wore his hat indoors, but having actual proof was kind of scary.

"Has anyone seen my cloaks?" He asked, stifling a yawn. The other three merely stared at him. (In all the shock, no one noticed Sarai, who had a fist shoved in her mouth to stifle her laughter.) Kisame opened and shut his mouth a couple of times (giving Sarai the impression that he was a fish that desperately needed water, despite her earlier prank) before managing to choke out an utterly shocked, "Dude. What. The. Fuck."

Itachi's forehead furrowed in confusion. Simultaneously, the other Akatsuki pointed to Itachi's black shirt, which was a plain shirt that had something that looked like fish netting replacing the collar. Looking down, Itachi's Sharingan eyes blazed with anger, embarrassment, and annoyance, the most emotion Kisame had ever seen him express. Well, before Saraiyu arrived anyway.

xXx

On his shirt, in bright pink paint, were the words "I LOVE SASUKE." Mumbling incoherently, Itachi retreated to his room. Miraculously, his cloaks had reappeared. Changing his shirt and pulling a cloak on, he returned to the kitchen, to find his comrades over their shock. Itachi was still wondering how the girl had done it without waking him. And cursing his poor eyesight. Of course, it was obviously Saraiyu – who else would have dared? At least his comrades were smart enough to make no comment. But Saraiyu's face was a blank slate, but her eyes gave away a hint of amusement.

To keep their minds off the subject of the Sasuke-shirt Itachi asked Kisame, "What got you up this early?" To his surprise, well, not that much surprise really, his partner responded, "Somehow, a couple of buckets full of water managed to dump themselves on me this morning. And a few more kept me from getting back to sleep." Sasori and Deidara erupted in laughter. Itachi thought he heard a muttered "How did the fucking girl do it?" Glancing at Saraiyu, he saw that she was horribly failing at attempting an innocent face. Which resulted in her biting her lip, her cheeks red with the effort of keeping herself from joining the other two in their laughter, and her eyes screwed up with concentration.

Abruptly, Sasori and Deidara stopped laughing. They were staring, once again, at Itachi. Kisame soon joined them. Saraiyu fell off her chair, and slid under the table, clutching her sides in silent laughter. Itachi was almost afraid to look at his cloak. When he did, he was slightly shocked to see the menacing red Akatsuki clouds replaced by hot pink fluffy ones. And they were _cute_. Damnit. At this point, Itachi agreed wholeheartedly with Kisame. How the hell _did_ the girl do it?

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I probably won't be able to get this up/others up in a little bit… if you have any ideas for pranks/anything you want to see, then just send a requesting review!**

**Oh, and I don't know if Itachi likes Icha Icha. I doubt he does, but it seemed funny to add. XDDDD**

**Sorry, I don't think this one is as humorous in the beginning as the other ones. **

**But I did manage to make it a little longer! Yay!**

**xDDD**

**--Aes Sedai (Mm, if you don't know what an Aes Sedai is, try reading Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series) **


	4. Of Potty Mouths and Art Arguments

**A/N:**

**Wheee! This one's dedicated to… LUNARXSHINOBI For giving me the idea that inspired this chapter!**

**You guys are the people who keep me writing! Cheers!**

**Disclaimer: -sob- I still do not own Naruto… but perhaps with a little convincing and a certain something –cough-cyanide-cough- in a certain someone's drink –cough-MasashiKishimoto-cough- and someday I will…haha xDD**

**In this chapter I'm gonna try doing people's POVs. Tell me if I suck at it. I probably will.**

**Chapter 4:**

_**Of Potty Mouths and Art Arguments.** _

Crawling out from under the table, Sarai looked Itachi in his Sharingan-eyes, which was extremely dangerous. But at this point, he looked way to annoyed and distracted to do anything. "I like pink. It looks good on you," she commented, before erupting in laughter, and darting back to her room. A few minutes later, she heard the shuffling feet of an outraged, yet slightly amazed Itachi returning to his room for a normal cloak. Holding her breath, she waited. And didn't have to wait long before she heard the Akatsuki sputter softly in outrage. None of his cloaks were fluffy-cloudless. So sad…

Opening her main door, Sarai dashed down the stairs and into the den, barely closing the door before she heard the adjoining door being yanked open. Ah, what a life it was to be living four highly-dangerous and doubtlessly deadly members of the notorious Akatsuki. And two of them were extremely pissed, at her too, and the other two highly amused.

Sprawled on the couch, Sarai wracked her brains for more elaborate pranks. She could never have pulled any of them off without her friends **(A/N: Animals & wind.)** Jurple the mouse had been especially interested, and had even offered to bite the strings that held the bucket of water over Kisame's head after the initial wake-up balloon.

As if thinking of him called him, Kisame entered the den, swearing fluently. "Damn girl, and her fucking pranks, how in the name of the freaking god does she freaking do it? Damnit!" Rising from the couch, Sarai put her hands on her hips and scowled. "What was that?" She asked unnecessarily. Scowling some more (which apparently worked, because Kisame blanched ever so slightly), she put on her most This-Mother-Is-Extremely-Annoyed-And-You-Are-Going-To-Get-A-Serious-Toungue-Lashing-Mister face. Mwuahha. Fear the mother's wrath.

"I don't know how many times I've told you that 'hell', 'fuck', 'damn', and other inappropriate words are vulgar, and you shouldn't use them. At this rate, you'll be a regular potty mouth." To punctuate her scolding, Sarai sent a club of Wind to clout Kisame on the back of his head for every swear he had just said. And a good measure more. "Do I have to spank you to get my point across, potty-mouth?" She asked, in a mock-dangerous voice.

_Oh shit…_ Sarai thought, proving herself a hypocrite, _he's got that damn big sword on his back…_ But at this point, the girl realized that Kisame looked like a small child who had just gotten one of the worst scoldings of his life. Smiling under her plastered scowl, she shook an admonishing finger at the diminished shark. "Go to your room, boy! And don't come out until midday!" Surprisingly, or maybe not so, the man turned around and made for his room. He seemed just as shocked as Sarai that he was actually listening to her. A giggling Deidara stepped out of the way. His laughter drew an amused Sasori from the kitchen. The puppet had probably heard the whole thing.

xXx

Kisame shuddered, walking slowly back to his room. No way in hell was he sulking, yet it was surprising how that young girl had resembled his strict no-nonsense mother. Shaking her finger with her hands on her hips. Shivers crawled down his back. He was shocked that a thirteen year old had reduced the dangerous Kisame of the Akatsuki, one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, who wielded a big-ass sword with deadly skill and was in the Bingo Book of pretty much every Hidden Village to a sulking boy who was sent to his room for a timeout. Things were seriously twisted, and the girl was giggling at the center of everything.

Damnit, she had even managed to escape being tortured by Itachi after her fluffy pink cloud prank. Itachi! The cold, distant, emotionless kin-slayer who tortured and killed countless people! A little girl! Damn, damn, damn! To top it all off, Sasori and Deidara had heard her! And laughed at him! Acting as a truly childish boy, Kisame muttered under his breath rebelliously, "The freaking Kyubi container had better get his fucking ass over here to save his damn girl before she drives all of us fucking insane!"

"What was that?" Came the sharp voice of Saraiyu. Kisame jumped. He hadn't realized she had actually followed him to make sure he went to his room! "Shit!" he hissed vehemently, making sure the girl couldn't hear. Itachi with his extra-keen hearing wouldn't have heard him. But somehow, this girl who did a perfect impression of his dead mother heard him. And chastised him. "That's it, you naughty boy! No midday meal _or_ supper for you, mister!" Whirling around, a look of pure outrage on his face, he blanched ever so slightly at her scowl. Something clouted his ear. Hard. Outrage was replaced with… uneasiness. Kisame practically fled to his room, barely suppressing a shudder.

Back in the safety of his room, Kisame wondered how a little girl had managed to… no, not scare him, but make him uneasy… Until now, only one person in the world had scared the shit out of him, and that post belonged to Itachi. Until now, that is. Somehow, Uzumaki Saraiyu had managed to worm her way into the post Kisame's mother used to hold, which was, The Only Other Person Besides Itachi Who Scares The Shit Out Of Me. But she didn't _really_ scare him. Just make him uneasy… right? He sighed. Girls were always complicated; that's why he killed most of the ones who annoyed him. But never had he encountered one that he wasn't allowed kill, or one that reminded him of his mother.

xXx

**-ITACHI POV-**

Dinner was instant ramen, pretty much the only thing Sasori could make. I sighed inwardly. Ramen was pretty much the only thing anyone but Saraiyu could make. The strange thing, though, was the absence of Kisame. Ramen was Kisame's favorite meal, which was why the stupid shark had learned to make it in the first place. Where was the damned guy? Now that I thought about it, I realized that Kisame hadn't been present at midday either, and that was strange in itself. My partner never skipped a meal if he could help it.

"Where's Kisame?" I asked, my tone cold and dispassionate. "It's not like him to skip a meal." Prepared as I was (I suspected Kisame's absence had something to do with the girl), nothing could have prepared me for the answer I got.

"Well. He was being a potty mouth so I sent him to his room. And made him skip midday and dinner to contemplate the evils of swearing." Saraiyu responded casually. I choked on my ramen. "Are you okay? You shouldn't eat so fast; it's bad for digestion," the innocent-faced girl told me in a stern voice. Standing, she left the table hastily, seeing the murderous gleam in my blood-red and black eyes. Though even in her haste, she managed to make it look like she just felt like leaving. Blasted girl.

xXx

Sarai returned to her room, the cogs in her brain spinning furiously. Itachi? Already pissed. Kisame? Scared of his mommy. Deidara and Sasori on the other hand provided new targets… there was only the matter of what to do…

xXx

When Itachi woke the next morning, it was an hour before dawn, earlier than usual. As a matter of precaution, he checked all of his clothing, especially the Akatsuki cloak, to make sure they were Paint-Free. Satisfied that it was, he took a quick shower and dressed in the dark, as usual. He had just placed his hat on his head when a yell shook the house. "DEIDARA WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Opening his door, Itachi had to jump back quickly to keep himself from getting speared on his partner's ginormous sword. Kisame was running down the hallway, chasing a half-dressed Deidara with his sword, the flat of the blade bared. When he caught up, he'd give the blond a good whack, let Deidara get ahead, and then catch up and whack him again. It really was quite amusing, but Itachi wondered what the artist had done, or if his partner was just drunk again. Hearing a soft _tsk tsk_ followed by a devilish chuckle from the open door beside him, Itachi came to the conclusion that Deidara had done absolutely nothing, and Kisame wasn't drunk. If the girl hadn't had a hand in this, than Itachi was a deaf and blind monkey.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Itachi walked into Kisame's room to have a look. Sasori was standing there laughing quietly, obviously amused. And Itachi could see why.

Kisame's walls, which had been an aqua blue, like the ocean, were now the muddy brown of dried clay. Clay caked the walls, and it appeared that words had been scratched into the clay in an awkward, childish hand when it was wet. And those words, repeated all over the walls were "Art is a bang, fishy. With love, Deidara." Resting on Kisame's pillow was a now-broken sculpture of an extremely ugly half-man-half-shark that bore a slight resemblence to Kisame, complete with the Samehada and all. No wonder the sharkman was downright pissed.

xXx

**-SARAI POV-**

When I entered the kitchen, I found it extremely hard not to double over in laughter. Kisame loomed over a cowering Deidara, his sword bared. The shark was repeatedly smacking the already extremely black-and-blue artist with the flat part of his blade, punctuating each hit with a word. "Never go into my room again, and what the hell were you thinking, 'repainting' my fucking walls!" I giggled- hey I couldn't help it! It was hilarious. Spotting me, his weird hands still covering his face in an attempt to shield it (and not doing a good job of), Deidara yelled, "Saraiyu, yeah, convince Kisame I didn't touch his walls, yeah! It wasn't me, I swear!… yea-OW!"

Smothering my laughter, I put on my best I-Don't-Give-A-Damn-Because-My-Last-Name-Is-Uchiha-And-I-Don't-Have-Emoitions face that Itachi and Sasuke seemed fond of, and shook my head in a cold way. "Who else could it have been? Only you could summon that much clay in one night! I mean, why would you do such a thing, Deidara?" I asked, voice and features as cold as Sasuke's. Kisame agreed wholeheartedly, and showed how much he believed my lies by increasing the force behind his whacks.

"Though Kisame, I did hear you swear quite a lot this morning…" The fish stared, giving Deidara the perfect opportunity to escape. The blond took it. And was whacked down by Kisame. Again. "Yes, but this calls for it. I mean, you _saw_ what he did to my room!" I pretended to contemplate his words. After dragging on the minutes for a suitable amount of time (and making Kisame squirm uncomfortably under my scrutiny) I sighed. "I suppose. Carry on then." I turned and left, smiles cracking my cold façade, followed by more agonized cries from Deidara.

Midday that day was silent, only broken by a few chuckles from Sasori and I whenever we looked at the bandaged and horribly black-and-blue Deidara. Itachi showed amusement as well, but being an Uchiha, he had developed that "I Have No Emotions" shit and merely gave a cold smile that didn't reach his eyes. Perhaps Uchihas didn't know what true joy was? Kisame, of course, thought it was all very funny, but then, he was drunk (heh, no surpise there.)

It turned out that Kisame had broken a few of the girly man's ribs, gave him multiple bruises, dislocated his shoulder… and the medical nin told the artist that she would heal him only if he was given a mission. Otherwise, it was best if he healed normally, because it was healthier. Of course, nobody knew that in the confusion, I had slipped away and visited the Akatsuki make-shift hospital, somehow managing to convince/bribe/threaten the healers there. Of course, Deidara hadn't argued with the healers; nobody argued with the people that saved your ass when you seriously needed it. Amusing, no?

Dinner that night was ramen. Big surprise there; it was Deidara's night, and in his current condition, ramen was all he could make. If he even knew how to make anything else. Tomorrow night would be Itachi's; he'd make ramen too. But the night after was mine. Perhaps I would make ramen just to piss everybody off. But I'm getting off track.

_Dinner that night was ramen. Big surprise there; it was Deidara's night, and in his – holy shit he got himself healed! Crap… _Said ninja gave me a cold look. I returned it with a weak smile. "Nice to know that the medic nins changed their minds, no? Or did you get a mission?" I asked innocently. Sasori's angelic face was tight with the effort of keeping himself from laughing. Damnit. Now I'm really screwed, because Deidara definatly knows.

"Funny… When I returned to the hospital shortly before making dinner, the healer-nin told me that a certain blond-haired blue-eyed little girl… convinced them to leave me to heal naturally," the artist drawled. I knew I shouldn't have trusted those thrice-cursed ninjas to keep a secret, trusting that they'd act honorably. What was I thinking? Shinobi have no honor!

**Busted, Sarai.** The comment came from Jurple, who was hidden in one of Itachi's many pockets (unbeknowest to the sociopath clan-murderer). Glancing at the mouse, I responded tartly. _So? If Itachi finds you…_ I trailed off.

"Oh really? What a coincidence!" I said innocently, peering up into Deidara's face. Damn tall people. "Actually, Saraiyu, I'd be honored if you'd take a walk with me after I finish cleaning up." I _sooo_ didn't like the gleam in the artist's normal eye. I winced, and was saved from giving an answer when there was a loud knock on the door. "I'll get it!" I cried, jumping to me feet, eager for the excuse to leave the room.

Walking – I had too much pride; I wouldn't run from the room – to the door, I opened it only to find a tree standing in front of it. I gaped as the tree formed into Zetsu. "Get Itachi," the white half of the face said shortly. Oh joy. Here was yet another man of not many words. "Of course, Tree-Hugger," I said sweetly. Strangely, the Akatsuki merely smiled. Or, half of him did. The other half looked just plain furious. Talk about multi-personality disorder.

xXx

"ITACHI!" The girl's voice yelled from the door. "THE PLANT GUY WANTS YOU!" Itachi sighed. Probably a mission.

**A/N:**

**XDDD**

**I love all my reviewers! –sigh- I'm not sure this chapter was as good as the others… oh well… I hope you guys don't hate me!**

**Any ideas of what to do to Sasori?**

**--Aes Sedai**


	5. Of Super Secret Scrolls

**A/N: Eh… I kinda like doing POVs. It's fun xDDD **

**Disclaimer: -sigh- I still do not own Naruto… cuz if I did, all the charries would be suger-high like 24/7 WHEEEEE!**

**Chapter 5:**

**_Of Super Secret Scrolls and a Letter_**

**-ITACHI POV- **

I cringed inwardly at the girl's loud and obnoxious voice; it reminded me of the Kyuubi's vessel. Well, they _were_ twins… And that Kyuubi had better catch wind of his sister's "kidnapping" soon. Perhaps writing a letter to Konoha would set them on the trail to a trap? Hopefully. Standing, I nodded to my drunk partner who merely hiccuped and grinned insanely. Irritation flashed in me as I headed for the door.

"What is it this time, Zetsu?" I asked in a monotone. The… excitement… in the past few days annoyed me to no end, so I desperately hoped the man-eating plant-man had good news, like Uzumaki was coming for us or something. No such luck. Ah, well I guess I would have to write a letter… or maybe I could get the stupid girl to.

"A mission, Itachi. There is a scroll in a small village near Konoha. We do not yet know what it is, or if it is dangerous or not, but the village has been trying to keep it a secret. No doubt Konoha will send a squad to retrieve it. We must get it first for it might be important." I sighed. Opening my mouth to respond, I was cut off by the girl.

"Ooooh! A Super-Secret Scroll? Ohh! You know what would be really cool? If it was a scroll on how to bake really yummy choc-" I cut her off, pressing on one of her pressure points. The annoying girl crumpled to the ground. Zetsu – or half of him – gave a lopsided, knowing smile. The other half was questioning as I shrugged. "We'll head out in the morning. Kisame… isn't in a traveling condition."

xXx

Walking back to the kitchen, Saraiyu in his arms, Itachi dumped the girl unceremoniously on her chair. He'd have to bring her back to her room after he finished eating. Kisame looked at him drunkenly. "We have a mission tomorrow. We're sent to fetch an unknown scroll from a village in Fire Country, near Konoha. Be ready," Itachi said curtly.

"Ay shroll?" Kisame slurred. "Waaat kind, Itacshi?"

"I don't know. That's why it's called an _unknown_ scroll, asshole. It could be pointless, but then, it could be dangerous and highly useful." Deidara eyed the unconscious Saraiyu. "What happened to her, yeah?" He asked curiously, though he didn't really expect an answer. Which was well for him, because Itachi didn't give one. Well, he didn't count a shrug as one. Finishing his meal, he stood, picked up the girl bridal style, and brought her to her room. Dumping her on her bed, he left.

xXx

-**SARAI POV-**

When I came to, it was morning. Shit. Itachi musta knocked me out. Ah, well, that dude really needed to control his temper. _And_ knocking me unconscious had made it impossible to play any tricks. Glancing at the false dawn, I estimated that it was about five thirty in the morning. I figured Kisame and Itachi hadn't left yet, because Kisame had growled that I'd be accompanying them on their missions. It wouldn't do to have me hanging around the house, with nobody to hear me at night if I tried to escape. Or pull a prank, though that hadn't been an issue when I was first "kidnapped."

Dressing in my usual clothes, which were a white blouse, rolled up in billowing three-quarter sleeves and loose brown pants that were rolled up just under my knees. Today, for traveling, I threw on my dark, plain brown dust-cloak, pinning it at my shoulder with a Konoha-leaf brooch. Packing a bag with extra under-garments and shirts and pants, I attached my bedroll (my sleeping bag rolled up in a mattress) to it. I had just slung it onto my back when the adjoining door opened to reveal a fully dressed Itachi. Seeing me dressed and packed, he allowed a small look of surprise to flit across his face. I quelled the urge to let out a sarcastic whoop. That was the most emotion he had shown all day (though it had just started) and it was probably the only I'd see for a long time.

"Very well. Looks like you have a good memory. Meet us at the door in ten minutes." I nodded to his retreating back; the bastard didn't even bother waiting for my answer. _Well, nobody expects S-Class criminals to be polite…_Leaving my windows open, I left my room. I had a feeling that this mission would go terribly wrong. And if fate didn't screw it up, I'd step in and do the job. Operation Annoy the Akatsuki was currently a huge success. How long before they decided I wasn't worth the Kyuubi? Truth be told, I really didn't care. After a month or so, or when I run out of ideas, I'm gonna get the hell outta this place. Maybe I'd go for Orochimaru next? ((**A/N: -cough-cough- Big foreshadowing here; If enough people like this fanfic, I might try my hand at sending Sarai to Orochimaru…)) **

Grabbing an apple from the kitchen, I was at the front door ten minutes later. And I waited; typical. Kakashi had always been late since Obito's death. Perhaps it was an Uchiha thing, always being late. After waiting for what seemed like forever, Itachi followed by a hungover Kisame (yea, he had that big-ass sword with him) finally decided to grace me with their presences. I eyed the extra Akatsuki cloak and cyndrical hat that Itachi carried. Damn…

"Put this on." Itachi said shortly, shoving the cloak and hat into my hands. I gaped at him. "What!" I yelped. "I'm not Akatsuki! Look at me! No mouths on my hands, I'm not a psychopath that killed most of my family, I'm not a puppet or a schizophrenic plant. I'm perfectly normal!" Of course, neither Itachi nor Kisame appreciated the fact that I had just subtly implyed that all the members of the Akatsuki are weird murderers who lost their sanity years ago. Who knows if they were even _born_ with sanity? I paid for my remark with a bash on the head from Kisame's Samehada. I glared at him.

"I said put it on. We can't have you recognized before our plan to lure your brother is complete," Itachi growled at me. "But they're _ugly,_" I whined. "I'd be a total fashion out-cast if anyone caught me in those things!" Itachi gave me a death glare. If looks could kill, well, lets just say I'd've been in the grave years ago. I made a huge show of sighing, and grumbling, but eventually my cloak found its way into my bag, and I wore the slightly large Akatsuki garb. I grimaced at them. Kisame chuckled darkly, and I stuck my tongue out at him. Yea, I know, childish, but hey, I'm only thirteen. I do deserve my moments, no?

xXx

The cloak was slightly large for Saraiyu; the high neckline covered her nose, and her hat covered her eyes and shadowed everything else. The effect was a very short Akatsuki member who was completely hidden. The girl grimaced under the high collar. Drawing the Konoha-leaf brooch from her bag, she folded down the collar, and pinned it down the brooch. Now the collar just tickled her chin, and she was a good deal happier.

"Can we go now?" She asked irritably. "I'd like to leave before anyone else sees me in this. Urgh, what would Ino say? I'd never be able to show my face in Konoha again, if anyone caught me in this! It's ugly!" She continued to rant like this for a few minutes, trailing behind Itachi, and Kisame following her. They'd take no chances with this valuable prisoner. Suddenly, Saraiyu suffered a mood-swing, her grumbling tone changed to one of breathless excitement. Kisame preferred the former.

"Ohmygosh, I just realized, nobody knows what's in that scroll yet! Before you so rudely knocked me out yesterday, Itachi, I was about to say it'd be super-cool if the scroll contained instructions on how to make the best Choc-" Once again, Saraiyu never got to finish what she hoped the scroll would contain, as Kisame bashed her in the back of the head, knocking her out in a far less elegant way than Itachi had done the night before. Itachi turned, and raised a questioning eyebrow at the girl's unconscious figure.

Kisame shrugged. He had gotten over his fear of mommies. "She was annoying me. And giving me a worse headache than I already have." Itachi nodded, though he added, "Whatever. You do realize that you have to carry her now." Kisame sighed, sheathed his sword, and lifted the girl, slinging her over her shoulder. Normally, missions were easy, even enjoyable. He doubted this one would be much fun, unless the girl attracted ANBU that Kisame could chop up.

An hour later yielded a very exhausted Kisame; it was hard to jump from tree to tree, following Itachi's mad-fast pace with a girl slung over his shoulder. Usually, Kisame could keep up, only feeling slightly more tired from the exertion than his partner, since the fish was pretty fast as well. But the body of the girl made a huge difference. It wasn't long at all before the shark-man regretted knocking the girl out. Itachi stopped to let Kisame catch his breath, aware that the girl weighted his partner down. As Kisame laid Saraiyu on the grassy floor of the small clearing, said girl jumped to her feet, surprising the shark.

"Are we there already? I didn't expect it to be that quick…" Kisame gaped. "What!" He yelled, his mind figuring out what happened. Sarai sighed. "Yeah, I don't like being knocked unconscious, but hey, thanks for carrying me. Oh, don't worry, I only came to about forty-five minute ago…" Finishing her jibe, the girl ducked the blow she knew was coming from Kisame. Her infuriating giggle drifted into the man's ears. Itachi sighed. He was amused at how well the girl could set of his partner's temper, but annoyed that they were holding him up…

xXx

-**KISAME POV-**

A couple of days later, we reached the gates of the village. Hiding in the trees, Itachi left me to guard Saraiyu as he scouted. My partner left us by a stream. Squatting at the river's edge, I dipped my hands into the water and washed my face, the cool liquid refreshing me. In the water's reflection, I studied myself; I bore small scratches on various parts of my face. My hair had a ton of bird droppings that I proceeded to wash out, and I had poison ivy that itched like hell.

I reflected on the disastrous journey to the village, wondering how the hell the girl had managed to get squirrels to scratch my face during my sleep (explaining my fucking cuts). I also wondered why every fucking bird that flew by dived low, dropped their shit on my damn head, and then flew off. And I knew that somehow, the girl had been behind the small 'stampede' of deer that shoved me into a huge crop of the poisonous, itchy plant. All in all, this was defiantly far down on the list of favorite missions.

For once, though, the girl was silent, sitting cross-legged quietly, her eyes closed, and her hands resting on her palms. Squirrels and other small animals surrounded her. Weird, how the animals seemed to love her. Every day on the trip, she had had to dislodge various woodland creatures from her sleeping bag before she rolled her bedroll tightly. And she didn't seem to mind them. Closing my eyes, I leaned against a tree. It was a blessing, how still and silent she was, and I planned to take full advantage of it until Itachi returned.

"There are about twenty-two shinobi guarding the walled village. Apparently, these people want to keep their scroll out of enemy hands. Those guards wear the Konoha leaf head protecter. They must be guarding the scroll and the village until a squad is sent to pick it up. It'd be suicide to try to sneak in during the day, even more so at night. I think I have a plan, though." My eyes jerked open and I gaped. Surprising, the voice wasn't Itachi's. It was Saraiyu. How the hell did _she_ know all that stuff? She had been sitting right there the whole time! Unsurprisingly, the same thoughts seemed to be running through my partner's head. His face showed open surprise; the most emotion I'd ever seen from him in all our years of partner-ship.

"How the hell did you know that?" Itachi asked, eyeing her suspiciously. Saraiyu shrugged. "Actually, I wasn't quite sure on how many shinobi guarded, because the squirrels count differently, but you just confirmed my answer."

"And your plan?" My partner didn't trust this girl…

After we heard her plan, both Itachi and I showed our doubt openly. "I don't trust you. How do we know that you haven't run away?" I asked suspiciously. Saraiyu sent me a death glare. "Well, lets see. I didn't run away that second day when I easily could've; I just went to the tree. And I could probably have gotten away on any part of this short trip. I mean, you didn't exactly tie me to a stake at night. I could've slipped away easily. So just trust me. I want to know how to make the best cho-"

"Whatever. Just do whatever you have to do. And open the gates tonight at second hour after midnight." Itachi cut her off irritably. She nodded. And added, "Oh, and when you come tonight, make sure your ponytail ((**A/N: Heh, does Itachi still have one?**)) is over your shoulder and visible."

The girl ignored my partner's queries as she put her blond ringlets in pigtails. She tucked the Akatsuki cloak under a bush, and donned her cloak with the Konoha leaf pin. She wore her hat so that it was not on her head, but on the back of it, held there by the string that circled her neck. If I had been allowed to kill her, here was the perfect opportunity to strangle her. My hand's itched to pull the hat string. Or just to chop her in two with my Samehada. Yeah, the latter was definitely preferable. Turning to face us, she asked how she looked. I blinked. The pigtails and hat made her look extremely… childish and innocent. I felt bad for whoever she planned on subjecting to the "innocent little girl" act.

We all walked to the edge of the forest line, Itachi and myself hiding behind trees. Walking slowly, Saraiyu stopped at the gates.

xXx

"What do you want?" One of the guardsmen yelled. The girl looked up, giving him a sad smile. "I-I well, I got l-lost…" she stuttered sadly. Then she seemed to pull herself together, her chin raised. _She's a damn good actress..._ Kisame thought idly. "And I got separated from my aunt and uncle-" Itachi choked beside Kisame. Now he knew why he had to show his hair tonight. "And we were heading for this village… Could… could you let me in?" The guard seemed to be troubled. They probably had orders not to let anyone in or out.

"Um… okay, but be quick. We're not supposed to let anyone in, little girl." Saraiyu beamed up at him. "Thanks!" She said in a sqeaky, kid-ish voice that so did not fit the little devil Itachi and Kisame knew her for. Nevertheless, gates opened a sliver, and she slipped in.

Saraiyu smiled as she walked into the gates; she felt a twinge of guilt. _Why am I helping the Akatsuki?…oh yes, because of my plan…_ She giggled. The guard looked at her strangely. She went to an inn, and rented the room for the night. Walking around the village, Sarai explored. She found the temple that the scroll was supposed to be contained in; she stayed clear of it, and instead wandered through the market. At about six, she returned to her room to eat a quick meal, and then proceeded to the gates.

Climbing up, she stood silently next to the guard until he noticed her. "Little girl, you're not supposed to be up here…" The guard said quietly. Sarai pretended to jump, as if surprised by his voice. "Oh… well, I just wanted to look for my aunt and uncle…" she said, layering her voice with worry. The guard relented. "What is your name?" He asked.

"Sareitha…" came the quiet, shy reply.

xXx

**-GUARD POV-**

"Sareitha… that's a pretty name." I said absently, scanning the horizon for enemy shinobi. The girl – Sareitha – smiled and gave a shy thanks. I felt bad for her. Poor kid, getting lost. She didn't seem like she spoke much, or maybe she was just tired with travel and worrying over her family. For whatever the reason, the kid stayed silent and unmoving, not even shifting or pacing like any other child would've done. Heck, any other child wouldn't have come up here in the first place. How old was she anyway? She wasn't that tall, and from her actions and words at the gates, he guessed around ten or eleven.

"Eleven." Came the short reply. I jumped. I didn't realize I had voiced my question aloud. Sighing, I continued my watch. Thankfully, I would be relieved five hours after midnight. A soft bell rang twice. I jumped inwardly; it was already two in the morning? Where had the night gone? Why wasn't the girl in her bed by now? Glancing at her, she had seemed to be sleeping. But she jumped awake at the quiet bell, quivering with excitement.

Pointing to two silhouettes, one noticbly taller than the other, she cried in an excited voice. "My aunt and uncle! Auntie! Uncle, it's me, Sareitha!" The taller figure waved almost hesitantly. My nerves were screaming "DON'T LET THEM IN" but why would this shy, quiet girl betray us? As the figures approached the gates, I watched them warily. Under the pleading gaze of the girl, the guard beside me gave the order to open the gates a little. In the light of the gates, I studied them as they passed through. I had time for two thoughts. _What the hell? The short one with the ponytail is a _man, and, _Shit! Black robes, red clouds, Akatsuki! Raise the alar-_ I felt myself sinking into darkness, vaguely realizing that my partner and the guards across the gate were all unconscious.

xXx

**-ITACHI POV-**

Sarai jumped down from the last step nimbly, running to catch up with Kisame and I. "The temple is over there," She said in a loud stage-whisper, gesturing with her hands. We followed her to the temple. Inside it all there stopped and stared. _Shit, there are a lot of scrolls…_ I thought, but surprisingly, we didn't have to search long. The girl walked straight up to the middle shelf of the three shelves, and pulled out the scroll that was in the dead center of the shelf.

Handing the swan-decorated, golden-edge scroll to me, she asked, "Is this it?" I nodded, and slipped the scroll into the inside of my cloak. And that was the only thing Kisame or I did. We found ourselves immobilized, unable to move, and we were surrounded. I glared at Saraiyu; she looked at me innocently. The double-crossing bitch! The shinobi moved to tie our hands together so that we couldn't use any jutsus.

One of them stepped forward, looking into my eyes, ready to drain my chakra like one of his companions was doing to Kisame. Big mistake, looking into my eyes. The ninja sank to the floor, whimpering, tears rolling down his cheeks as he walked the world I controlled. "Damn, I told them _not_ to look into his eyes!" I heard Saraiyu hiss. _Argh! So she _did _betray us..._ That was my last thought before someone drained the chakra from me, and knocked me unconscious.

xXx

**"**That was easy… really easy…" one of the Konoha ninja said uneasily. The man twitching on the floor got up, totally shaken and wiped out. "Of course it was easy; I immobilized them." Saraiyu said, as if it were the hundredth time repeating it. She probably was. The ninja shrugged, picking up Uchiha Itachi, the highly dangerous S-Class criminal who was a member of the deadly Akatsuki. Two shinobi followed him dragging the fish-man along. Saraiyu walked beside the leading man silently.

Four guards were posted to watch Uchiha Itachi and the fish, whom the girl called Kisame. They were to alert the outer guards who were to fetch the interrogator when the S-Class missing nin came to. The girl sat in a chair quietly watching the two prisoners intently. The guarding ninja talked amongst themselves quietly. Itachi and Kisame had been searched for the Secret Scroll, but neither of them had had it. Nobody had seen or suspected Itachi of substituting the real scroll with an object from Sarai's pack. So when he was searched, he carried a toothbrush that the girl claimed was hers, and said girl had the scroll.

When Itachi came to, the first thing he heard was the guards talking softly. And then all talk stopped, and the talkers watched Itachi nervously, avoiding his eyes. Sharingan eyes sweeping the room, Itachi realized that it was a cell chamber for two. Kisame was in the cell next to him. Good, the fools made an escape easier. The surprise came when he saw Saraiyu sitting in a chair, watching them. She glared at Itachi defiantly, though she didn't quite look him in the eye, which was extremely intelligent. She would've been in a hell of a lot of trouble if she had.

"I'll go tell the guards." Sarai said, rising from her chair. Exiting the chamber, she swiftly knocked out the two guards guarding the door, She made a show of talking to them loudly, and then re-entered the room where the Akatsuki were. "Then went to get the interrogator," she said calmly, triumphantly. And then she coolly knocked the guards unconscious. Retrieving the keys, she opened Itachi's cell door, and then Kisame's, but she had to kick the stupid fish awake. The four managed to leave the small village unnoticed, and the alarm never rose.

xXx

Once back at headquarters, Itachi opened the scroll, surrounded by Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, of course, and Zetsu. Saraiyu jumped up and down, asking repeatedly, "Is it a scroll on how to make chocolate chip cookies?" Itachi stared at the scroll dumbfounded. "No…" he said quietly, his voice layered with contempt. "It's a scroll on how…" He trailed off, and the others stared at him expectantly, in suspense. "On how to make ramen." Saraiyu pouted. "Aww… I wanted cookies!" Kisame fainted. Yes, a highly dangerous S-Class criminal FAINTED.They had done all that, were caught because Saraiyu tipped the guards off, and were freed because Saraiyu freed them, Kisame had suffered so much on the trip, all to retrieve a stupid scroll on how to make _ramen?_! God, the villagers must be laughing at them! Sarai certainly was.

xXx

**-SARAI POV-**

For the next two days, I played no pranks. On the contrary, I acted meek and polite, and I actually acted like I was a hostage for once. I made ramen for dinner following the scroll, one night, and nobody would admit that it tasted better than any other ramen they had ever had before (except for me. Which really pissed of Kisame). The whole Super-Secret Scroll mission was a forbidden topic, because it was so humiliating. Entering the kitchen, playing meek, I approached Deidara with a piece of paper rolled up. Visible, were the words "Hyuuga Neji."

"Um… Deidara-sama?" I asked. (I had been adding the sama prefix to every Akatsuki member I had encoutered; my display of polite awe and respect only seemed to make Kisame and Itachi even more suspicious. Everyone else assumed that Itachi had finally put me in line.) "What, yeah?"

"Itachi-sama told me I could write home… do you think you could make a clay bird and send it for me?" I asked, innocent-faced and quietly. More like Itachi _forced_ me to write home. Though the past two days had been prank-free, he still seemed anxious to get the Kyuubi and 'dispose' of me. At least he hadn't read my letter. He probably would have had apoplexy if he had. Of course, I planned to drop a copy of it in his room... "Of course, yeah…" Thinking of an embarrassing moment, I was pleased to feel the heat rising in my cheeks. "Please… don't read it …" I said when I handed the scroll over to Deidara. "It's to Neji-kun; He's a boy I know…" I trailed off, turning redder by the moment. I shuffled my feet as if I were embarrassed, and fluttered my eyelashes. Deidara gave me a knowing smile. The idiot believed me. Then again, why wouldn't he?

-------Somewhere in Konoha, Hyuuga Neji sneezed, giving the person he was training with the perfect opportunity to strike. _Damnit!_ He thought.------

Making the bird a dove (he didn't say it, but I could _sense_ him thinking 'love-dove'), I cooed over it when it was done. It really was a beautiful thing, its wings flapping gently. It pecked my finger, and I giggled. "It's so _cute_!" I smiled, peering up at Deidara from underneath my eyelashes, acting coy. Deidara beamed at the compliment. "I like art, yeah. Especially making birds, yeah." Ah, what an actress I am. I am really good at playing the benign little girl when I want to. Deidara put the note in the bird's mouth, and it took off.

Itachi had entered the room. "Good. You sent it off?" I nodded, staring at the floor almost shyly. Of course, he didn't know that the next prank I planned for him would be painfully shocking, but he was suspicious all the same. I grinned devilishly – inside, where nobody could see my brain working out my next prank. "I want to read a copy..." I jerked. That was _so_ not expected.

"But... but... Itachi-sama... it - I- I, well I..." I trailed off. Itachi glared at me. I stared at the floor. Slowly, feigning reluctance (truly, inside, I was excited to see Itachi's reaction) I pulled a copy of the note out of my pants pocket. Ever so slowly, I handed it to Itachi, still staring at the ground. Peeking up at him, I saw him scan the letter. And then he started to look like this: **O.o** I could tell he was thinking, _wtf?_

xXx

-**IN KONOHA-**

The Hokage, Tsunade, sat at her desk, enjoying the slight breeze from the window. Staring out it, she jumped. The big clay bird that was flying throuh was definatly _not_ a breeze. The bird – a dove Tsuande decided, was made entirely of clay. Only one person was good enough to make a flying clay-messenger bird. And he was an S-Class criminal named Deidara. Tsunade dove out of the bird's way, but surprsingly, instead of blowing up, it dropped what seemed like a small scroll on her desk. Flying to the windowsill, and landing there, it shifted its clay feet. And then it blew up. Tsunade stared.

After about five minutes she recovered from her shock. Her mind absently turned over the problem of the disappearance of Naruto's sister. Well, the girl wasn't a ninja, but if she fell into the wrong hands (Akatsuki hands to be exact) Naruto could be in big trouble. She had a feeling that the little note might contain confirmation from Uchiha Itachi that the girl had indeed been kidnapped. Sighing she picked up the small scroll, and was shocked to see "Hyuuga Neji" on it. Why the hell would an Akatsuki member send somthing to Neji? _I need a bottle of sake…_ She stared at the note and the black spot where the bird had explored. _Make that ten bottles..._

Ten minutes later, Hyuuga Neji entered Tsunade's study.He bowed slightly, and said, "You asked for me, Tsunade-sama?" The Hokage nodded. "This," here she held up the note, "Came delivered by a clay bird that blew up after delivering it. I think it came from the Akatsuki…" Neji nodded. "And it has your name on it." Neji paled. Taking the note, he opened it up. His jaw dropped in shock as he read it. Wordlessly, he handed it over to Tsunade.

_Dear Neji,_

_Well, actually, this is for Tsunade-sama, but I needed a reason for nobody to read it…_(Here, Tsunade could picture the girl's devilish grin)

_Anyway, Itachi told me to write a letter home for Naruto explaining my disappearance; I'm guess you were quite shocked, no? Anyway, I was "kidnapped" by the Akatsuki – I'm at their base now, and it's really, really interesting. Anyway, back to the facts. As I said, I was "kidnapped" by the Akatsuki. They're using me to lure Naruto; DON'T LET MY BROTHER KNOW I'M MISSING… Tell him I went to visit Great-Aunt Bertha downtown across the world or something. And don't send any ANBU after me either; _(That was exactly what Tsunade was thinking of doing) _Itachi, Kisame (and his big-ass sword), Deidara and Sasori would just kick their asses. Plus there's this weird multi-personality Venus Flytrap human who eats people. No offense or anything. When I feel like leaving, I will. For now, I just want to test my prank-pulling skills. Operation Annoy the Akatsuki (and don't get killed) is well underway. So once again, please, don't worry._

_Oh, and here are some random tips for you ANBU guys to bear in mind if you're ever going to go after Akatsuki:_

_**Deidara**_

_Okay, so here are some things about Deidara. _

_Yes, he _IS _a boy._

_Caution; he likes blowing things up far to much._

_He has mouths on his hands; stay away._

_For that matter, stay away from anything clay; Deidara WILL blow it up on you._

_**2) Sasori**_

_Red hair, red eyes, angelic face. Don't fall for it._

_Beware; he's a puppet master as well as a puppet._

_I suggest you DON'T die fighting him, else you're body might be made into a human puppet that Sasori will prop up on his shelf. –shudder- I know, that's just gross._

_**3) Kisame**_

_Blue skin, gills, yep that's the infamous Fish-Face (Personally, I prefer Sharky…)_

_Notice; Keep innocent, defenseless civilians AWAY from Kisame. He likes to chop things up with his big-ass sword too much._

_Don't bother trying to steal Samehada; it's quite a sentimental sword and will always find it's way back to Kisame. _

_**4) Itachi**_

_Hotter, older version of Sasuke. Don't be fooled._

_Warning; Run into Itachi, and he'll probably kill you. Just giving you a heads up._

_Don't look into his eyes unless you wanna know what Hell is like. _

_If you see him, I suggest you turn and run away._

_On the whole, I suggest you DON'T go after this one._

_**5) Zetsu**_

_Strange venus flytrap head. Can't miss it._

_He has a split personality; really, his face is half black half white… and they're different personalities. Really weird._

_Hint: Don't die trying to fight Zetsu ; he WILL eat your dead body. Yuck._

_**Ways to Piss off the Five mentioned above:**_

Also known as surefire ways to get yourself killed

Deidara: Call him a girl.

_Advice: Do it. Wicked hilarious._

Sasori: 1) Tell him art is a bang and then blow something up. 2) Talk a lot. I mean a lot a lot.

_Advice: Do It. Pretty funny. Especially #1_

Kisame: 1)Call him Fish-Face or Sharky. 2)Act like his mommy.

_Advice: You might scare him if you do #2_

Itachi:1)Tell him Sasuke is gay for Orochimaru, or 2) Ask him if he has unhealthy feelings for Sasuke.

_If you're feeling really gutsy tell him both. (and prepare to die)_

_Advice: If you want to live, I do NOT suggest this. If you consider your life a fair bargain in return to see Itachi cry/get really, really pissed/really really jumpy, then I say do it. If you're gonna die anyway, say 'em both._

Zetsu: Call him a Tree-Hugger.

_And that's pretty much all I know. I hope it helps!_

_Cheers,_

_Uzumaki Saraiyu._

_P.S. You're probably wondering why I put kidnapped in quotes. Well, its because I wasn't really kidnapped. I was _looking_ for the Akatsuki, and when I found them, they decided to "hold" me at their base. Fun, aye?_

When Tsunade finished the letter, she and Neji stared at each other. Still a little dazed, Tsunade sent for Sarai and Naruto's closest friends: Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Choji, Shikamaru, Ino, Rock Lee, Tenten, Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, and Sakura. When they arrived, she showed them the letter wordlessly. As each person read the letter, each person wore an expression similar to everyone else who had seen it. It kind looked like this: **O.o **The same thoughts were running through their minds. _Wtf?_

**A/N:**

**There. Hope you liked it! I'm signing off now –yawn- I really shouldn't be writing these at 3 AM… You probably won't get this till tomorrow when I wake up… at 12 P.M. Sorry, I didn't think the actual mission part of it was funny at all. SORRY!... Yea, but it was fun to end the chapter with 'Wtf?' **

**-Aes Sedai**


	6. Of Spiked Food and a Vistor

**A/N: Whee! Yay! 12 reviews! XDDD**

**Saraiyu (the charrie): Eh… why was I so… _meek_ in the end of the last chapter? That is SO not me! **

**Me: … it's for the plot.**

**Saraiyu: Eh… There's a plot? I thought this was just your random nonsensical ponderings of ways to annoy the Akatsuki… -cough-MostlyItachi-cough- **

**Me: How dare you! Of course I have a plot… Okay, well maybe I don't… anyway, say your line already!**

**Saraiyu: Eh… oh, right. I am sorry to say that Saraiyu Aes Sedai does NOT own Naruto… because if she did, the Akatsuki would be dead pissed at a girl named Saraiyu. Sadly, the Akatsuki are only dead pissed in her story. Which stars moi. Believe it! (Oh dear, Naruto is rubbing of on me…how troublesome)**

**Oh and eh, this one goes to STRAIGHT FROM THE PRODUCE SECTION… for being such a uber reviewer!**

**And, eh… WARNING: I was high on CHOCOLATE FROSTING FROM DUNKAROOS WHEN I WROTE THIS!**

**Chapter 6:**

**_Of Spiked Food and a Visitor_**

Saraiyu stared at Itachi. His face kinda looked like this: O.O now. And it was slowly turning red… no purple- OMGWTF IT'S TURNING BLUE! Maybe she had crossed the line with the letter?… nah! Wordlessly, Itachi crumpled up the paper, and set it on fire. Slowly, Sarai's head rose, until she was staring Itachi in the eye (which, by the way, is really not that smart). She gave him a mischievous grin, one that Deidara didn't see. And left the room, returning to her own. Quickly.

In the confines of her room, Sarai began to make preparations for the night's plans. Of course, she'd keep up her acts… when people could see her, at least. Stifling a yawn, Sarai realized that she had better get sleep now, because she certainly wouldn't get much that night. Curling up onto her bed, Saraiyu promptly fell asleep.

Without bothering to knock, Kisame barged into Sarai's room. And was shocked to see the girl curled up on her bed asleep. _You know… she actually looks… innocent, _the shark thought, snorting at the idea. Sarai? Innocent? Pfft. Not in this lifetime. Poking the girl, he yelled, "SARAIYU! IT'S YOUR TURN TO MAKE DINNER AGAIN!"

Drawing a kunai from the sheathe hidden on her shoulder, covered by her shirt, Sarai reflexively attacked Kisame, expertly pressing the iron against the big vein in the shark-man's neck. Kisame froze. "Eiya!" Kisame yelled , and upon seeing her 'attacker', Sarai stepped away.. "Forgive me, Kisame-sama!" She said calmly, re-sheathing her kunai. "But I suggest you knock next time." Wrinkling her nose, she added, "And take a shower, you smell like a rotten fish. Besides, I thought it was Sasori-danna's turn?"

Kisame scowled. "We all agreed that you would cook every other night. Eating ramen every night isn't healthy." Sarai sighed. She knew that it would come to this eventually… Smiling inwardly, she unconsciously hummed at tune, something that people who knew her recognized as her habit when she was in her most devious state of mind. She started toying with a curl, a sign that she was thinking hard..._Of course, these Akatsuki didn't know that..._ she reflected, a beautiful plan blossoming in her mind…

xXx

Itachi blinked in surprise as looked at the night's dinner. It was shark (probably Saraiyu's subtle punishment for Kisame rudely awakening her from her nap – yes, everyone in the house knew of it; Kisame's scream could probably have been heard from Konoha!) and green and red dango (Japanese-style dumplings) – which were Itachi's favorite. How had the girl known? Anyway, the dango were on a plate in the middle of the table (there were A LOT of them). The shark smelled faintly of lemon. And it was _really_ good.

-**SARAI POV-**

Soon, we were all done with our shark (Kisame, the sulking idiot, didn't touch it. Instead, he made himself a bowl of Instant Ramen. Hmpf.) and started on the dango – well, everyone except for me, that is. Itachi noticed, and eyed me suspiciously. "Why aren't you eating any?" He asked coolly.

"I don't like them, Itachi-sama." I responded, every bit as cool. "Then why did you make them?" Damnit. Stupid Uchiha prodigy – why the hell did he have to be so smart? "It's Naruto's favorite. I guess I just made it out of habit," I lied. The truth? Sasuke had once told me that they were Itachi's favorite. Plus, with a little wheedling from Yura, one of Sasori's agents, I had learned that pretty much every Akatsuki member loved them. Weird, no? This plan was sure to be a success.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Rising from my seat, and escaping Itachi's uncomfortable scrutiny, I went to answer the door. The open door revealed Zetsu. "I smell dango! I didn't think anyone knew how to make them!" He cried. Well, half of him did. The other half wrinkled its nose in disgust (well, half it's nose. I was really confused at this point) and said, "I hate dango."

"Eh… Come in then, Zetsu-sama!" Zetsu arched an eyebrow at the suffix. Well, tried to. It didn't seem like he had the hang of it; the failed attempt resulted in both eyebrows raised, and the Venus flytrap's forehead was furrowed in concentration. I bit back the urge to giggle; I mean what kind of an idiot can't raise one eyebrow? ((**A/N I actually can do it. It's pretty sweet xDD**)) Eventually, Zetsu gave up, and walked in. Taking my empty seat, I sat on the counter and watched events start to spiral into madness, slowly at first, and then gaining speed and craziness.

No one had realized that the dango had the faint taste of very strong sake.

XXx

Kisame was drunk, but that's not new news. What _was_ news was that so was Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu and Itachi were all drunk too. The only person who was sober was Saraiyu, and she was video-taping the whole thing. She planned on sending it to Tsunade-sama via bird. But the point is, Kisame was (somehow) drunker than everybody else. Drawing Samehada, Kisame was talking to it. "Haaaaiii, Shamehawda…" He slurred. "Dei-kun, shay hai to Shamehawda!"

"No fuck'n way, shit-head!… chyeah…"

"ARGH! DON'T BE SHO MEAN TO MY SHWORD!" Kisame yelled, and proceeded to chase Deidara around the house, whacking him with the sword. Again. Deidara ran around the house, being whacked with the sword, screaming bloody murder. But then, everyone in this place (exluding Sarai) was a pshycopath murderer, so nobody really paid the chaser and chasee any mind.

Meanwhile, Itachi had thrown of his Akatsuki cloak and stared playing Beyblades with his cyndrical hat against Zetsu and the plant's own hat. Well, half of Zetsu. The other half was taking turns adamantly scolding the Venus flytrap for getting drunk, and accusing Saraiyu of spiking the dango. (She had, of course, but she denied this with wide-eyed innocence.) When the whole thing was cleared up, only Saraiyu, half of Zetsu, and whoever Sarai sent her tape to would know the details of what had happened. Strangly, the white half of Zetsu remained sober, despite the alarming amounts of dango that the black half had eaten. Weird, no?

Making sure she had taped the Deidara-Bashing, she focused on the Beyblade match, which Zetsu was winning, owing to the fact that half of him was actually sober. After Zetsu whupped Itachi in their 'match', Sarai turned the camcorder to Sasori. The angel-faced puppet-master had created crude finger-puppets of Zetsu, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, himself, and, Sarai noted with disgust – _her_. She shuddered. Ew. Yuck. Just disgusting. And what he was doing was even more disturbing.

"Eiyah! Itacshi- I lurv you!" Sasori squeaked in a high falsetto voice, doing a rather horrid impression of Sarai. "Eh… I lurv you shoo, Shair-aye-ooh." For a so-called puppet master, Sasori did really bad impressions of Sarai and Itachi. Then again, he _was_ drunk. "Eyacsh! 'Taschi! _I _lurv she!" Sasori mimicked, waving the Kisame-puppet. The Deidara one soon followed suit. Sarai shuddered. She was relieved that Sasori wasn't making himself and Zet- shit, there goes that small relief.

With another involuntary shudder, Sarai shut off the camcorder and returned to her room, trying to get Sasori's puppet show out of her mind to no avail; it was useless. The thirteen year old was scarred for life. Never again would Saraiyu get S-Class criminals drunk on purpose. Though Deidara-Bashing was kind of funny… _No!_ She thought firmly. _Never again… I'm scarred for life as it is!_ Besides, Kisame bashed Deidara even when he wasn't drunk.

xXx

The next morning, Deidara woke in the Akatsuki hospital with a major hangover. "What… happened, yeah?" The medic assigned to him looked up from her paperwork, failing miserabley at concealing amusement. "Uh… ah, Kisame got drunk… and… ah, broke two of your ribs, your arms, fractured your spine, and gave you a plenty of bruises. No problem, though, I fixed most if it in a jiffy, Deidara-sama, but… eh, we going to keep you here until your hangover goes away." Amusement turned into guffaws.

"Yeah? What the hell happened last night!" Deidara screamed – no yelled, after spotting Sasori in the bed next to his. Akatsuki don't scream. As a rule. It's not manly to scream. And Deidara _was_ a man, believe it or not. "Well, Deidara-sama… um… you all got really, really drunk last night, and eh… it escalated from there…" The medic nin ducked, for a good reason to. There was aloud crash as the vase Deidara chucked shattered on the wall, waking Sasori.

"Wha- argh! My head!" The angelic Akatsuki cried. Yes, he cried. No, not cried, he positively _bawled_. No, not really. Deidara was just suffering delusions from a severe hangover-and-healing-exhaustion. Deidara's illusions were broken by a high-pitched scream. Okay, so maybe the Akatsuki weren't that manly after all. He and Sasori stared at each other.

xXx

One thing Sarai, or rather Jurple the mouse, had noticed was that Itachi always placed his clothes in the same spot, so that when he woke up near-blind, he threw on his clothes without looking. This morning, though, was different. When he rolled out of bed (usually the thump of falling on the floor woke him. It was an effective method) the sociopath kinslayer hadn't landed on the floor, but in his bathtub – that, coincidentally, was filled with ice-cold water. Which resulted in the earsplitting screech that Sasori and Deidara had heard.

Floundering in the tub, Itachi finally managed to get out, dry himself, and get dressed. Sadly, he couldn't find his cloak. Which was never a good sign. Walking downstairs, he found Kisame slumped in a chair. Staring at Itachi, the shark's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. "God, man, are you still drunk? We know you're practically blind but…" Kisame trailed off spotting the murderous gleam in his parnter's Sharingan eyes. Itachi looked down, and groaned. He wore his boxers over his black pants, and instead of his black mesh-shirt, he wore pants on his head. A hole had been cut neatly so his head could fit through. By whom, Itachi had the sinking feeling that he already knew... "Saraiyu!" he hissed. After they caught the Kyuubi, that girl was definitly on his Hit-List. Under Painful Deaths.

xXx

Zetsu, Sasori, Deidara, Kisame and Itachi were gathered in Zetsu's kitchen. They were not hiding from Saraiyu per say (who had insisted that a badly hung-over Kisame and Itachi play dress-up with her, convinced Deidara and Sasori to let her and the medic-nin do makeovers, and annoyed Zetsu to death) … merely avoiding her for the moment because they were having an important conversation. The girl, at the moment, was in her room. (Or so they thought).

"We four have missions. Would you make sure Saraiyu doesn't escape, Zetsu?" Itachi said, for the eight-hundredth time. Zetsu groaned. "Why me?" Half of him moaned. The other half merely nodded. "Tobi and I will do it." Itachi sighed with relief. "We're leaving now." Zetsu groaned. "It's not even midday. And you _all_ have horrid hangovers, judging from mine!"

Nobody quite said "Yeah, but we want to get away from Sarai as soon as possible" but they were all thinking it. I mean, Deidara had almost gotten his hair cut off by Sarai, and Sasori had little lines under his eyes (in an imitation of Itachi) that marred his beautiful face (courtesy of the medic-nin). But Zetsu, on the other hand, was thinking, 'God, they're lucky.' Sighing, he stood, and returned to the house where Saraiyu was. Tobi (the annoying brat) was already there, playing dolls with Sarai. Both of them were hyper, empty cans of coke in the garbage betraying why.

xXx

–IN KONOHA—

Tsunade, once again, was speechless, playing and replaying the tape sent by Saraiyu over and over again. Everybody who had read the letter was watching the tape with Tsunade, all looking like totally shocked, and they were thinking, _OMG WTF HOW THE HELL DID SHE GET THEM ALL DRUNK_. In other words, they were downright stunned.

"How troublesome…" Shikamaru managed to mutter. Choji, who would never admit his crush on Sarai to anyone, was especially disgusted at Sasori's puppet show, and was rather jealous of Itachi's hotness. Ino was stunned at how much hotter Itachi was than Sasuke, and if he wasn't a nukenin, would have become his fangirl instantly… as it was, she was currently devising ways to send Itachi fanmail. Sakura, on the other hand, had eyes only for the handsome angel, Sasori.

xXx

Itachi and Kisame met up with Deidara and Sasori on the way back to the Secret Lair. All four of them cringed at what scene they might be treated too when the re-entered their home. Needless to say, they didn't get a chance to walk into their home before they were swamped with shock. Oh no, not at all. Their first warning was the sound of humming. _Two_ people humming. Probably Tobi and Saraiyu... oh, much easier Akatsuki life would be if they realized humming was a sign of mishceviousness. Well, kind of.

Zetsu and his subordinate, Tobi, were tied to the Freaking Big Tree, Tobi openly cowering at the insanely hyperactive Saraiyu, who was painting Zetsu's fingers bright blue, a hue that matched her eyes quite nicely. "Sasori-dannaDeidara-samaKisame-samaItachi-sama!Welcomeback!" Sarai said, breathless after yelling all four Akatsuki's names and respectful suffixes.

The figure that was painting Tobi's mask in a swirly-orange design turned, making the four wonder how they had missed the person before. "So these are the infamous Akatsuki who kidnapped you, Sari-chan?" The figure said with a hyper cackle. _Oh shit. Another one._ Itachi thought.

A/N:

**W00T! I had a uber idea! Whoever is my 15th reviewer gets to… JOIN SARAIYU IN THE CRAZINESS as "The Unknown Figure"…for a chapter! If you are the 15th reviwer, please PM me with the name you would like me to use in the story!**

…**This contest means that I won't be able to update until I get winners! **

**-sigh- 2:34 A.M. And my Frosting Hyperness is wearing of… Toodles!**

**And thanks to all you people who reviewed! I really appreciated it; Sorry if I didn't respond!**

**-Aes Sedai**


	7. Of Sleepover Games

**A/N: And the winner is… MEECA! Yay! Eh… I dunno if you're a boy or a girl (sorry!) but in this fic I'm putting you as a boy (for the plot's sake) Truly sorry if you are a girl! XDD**

**Yeh, I just had a couple of cans of coke and this really sour candy-stuff EEK!**

**Saraiyu: Ehm, yes, Saraiyu Aes Sedai is STILL making me do this –BEEP- So, _Disclaimer:_ Saraiyu Aes Sedai owns nothing. Except for me. But she doesn't even own my name. My name belongs to Tamora Pierce. But Meeca belongs to Meeca. YAY! I also turn fourteen… -gasp- I DIDN'T SAY THAT!**

**I'd like to thank Kaitsan for the Sasuke doll idea. **

Oi, here are somthings.

"…" That is talking

'…' That is thinking

_This is also thinking_

** This is HANDTALK**

**Chapter 7:**

Of Sleepover Games 

The figure was a boy around fourteen, with long, mouse-brown hair with bangs that brushed his eyebrows, and startlingly emerald green eyes. He raised his right hand – and started making weird hand-symbols, his fingers flicking rapidly. What the Akatsuki didn't know was that this weird hand-flicking was actually a secret hand-language. **Sari-chan, these the Akatsuki? Look like a bunch of wussies to me… **Saraiyu giggled. **Yep**, she replied, her fingers flicking shortly. The boy chuckled. Surprisingly, another voice giggled.

Staring at the girl Itachi held by the scruff of her neck, Sarai choked. "_Hinata-chan?_" She asked, her voice filled with disbelief. "Scari-chan!" Yep, the dark-blue-haired, white-eyed, tan-jacket wearing girl was definitely Hyuga Hinata, the heiress of the Hyuga clan. So wtf was she doing here? Fingers, flicking, the kunoichi answered. Scari-chan was Sarai's nickname, an alteration of the nickname Sarai. It implied that some of her pranks were… eh, unpleasant to say the least. **Naruto-kun taught me Team 7's handtalk, but I promised not to tell anyone.** So that explained the giggle from her. **I don't know what happened… I went to sleep in my bed, and woke up in the forest surrounded by Akatsuki!**

It was clear Hinata was far from calm. **Don't worry. I won't let them hurt you…** Sarai responded, fingers flicking. By tilting her whole hand to a forty-five degree angle, she implied that her tone was confident. Hinata nodded. Deidara, Itachi, Sasori, Kisame, Zetsu and Tobi were lost. Sarai figured Tobi still didn't know that the hand signs were a language. Stupid guy. Itachi's Sharingan-eyes were narrowed, and for him, that betrayed uneasiness or irritation. Probably irritation.

"Who the hell is the boy, Saraiyu!" Kisame demanded. The days when Kisame was considered the best-mannered and most polite Akatsuki member were long gone, disappearing when Saraiyu arrived. "Oi, my friend, Fish-Face-sama?" Sarai asked innocently, playing dumb. "Who else would I be talking about?" Kisame growled. Itachi contented himself with merely glaring. "Eh, his name is Meeca. I invited him, 'cause Tobi and Zetsu wouldn't play with me… Plus, I turned fourteen two days ago, and Meeca came to celebrate with me…" Saraiyu said blandly. **Hey, Meeca, I don't think Itachi-sama likes you…** The crook of Sarai's middle finger when she signed 'sama' made it sarcastic.

Meeca shrugged, and signed, **I don't really care. As long as I get to join in on your fun.** Glancing at Hinata, whom Itachi still had by her neck of her jacket, Sarai sighed. "Can you let her go, Itachi-sama? Why did you bring her anyway?" Itachi glared, and deigned not to answer. Deidara answered for him. "We know you were the one who spiked the dango, yeah… they were good, but that wasn't funny… hmm… So to make sure you stay on your best behavior, yeah, we brought little miss Hyuga here… yeah… Plus the Kyubi is friends with her?… yeah."

Sarai shrugged. **You got my letter, and saw my tape?** She asked. There were no punctuation-signs but the placement of the words made the query clear. **Yes… we all thought you were off your rocker! Doing something that dangerous, Scari-chan!** Sasori stared at the finger-flashing. "Are you actually speaking in that language?" He asked, genuinely curious. "Or are you just signing simple phrases?" Tobi stared. "YOUR COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR FINGERS?" He yelled/asked. The hyperactive Akatsuki subordinate was like Lee in that way…

Sarai, Hinata, and Meeca stared at each other, and then burst into laughter. Rubbing her neck, (Itachi had finally let go of Hinata) the Hyuga walked over to stand next to Sarai and Meeca. Itachi smiled coldly. "Once we catch and kill that Naruto brat, _you_ will pay for all of your little tricks, Sa-" SMACK! Hinata stood on her tiptoes, hands on hips. A red handprint was starting to show on Itachi's cheek. Sarai and Meeca stared, and the boy's fingers started flicking rapidly. His motions caught Hinata's attention, and the Hyuga heiress's face grew redder and redder with each word.

**Did shy, stammering, blush-whenever-Naruto-looks/speaks-to/at-me-because-I-have-a-huge-crush-on-him, little Hyuga Hinata just slap Itachi. _The_ Uchiha Itachi? **His hand was raised at a ninety-degree angle, which signified absolute, stupefied awe, though Saraiyu didn't need it to detect the admiration Meeca had just acquired for Hinata. **Yeah. I think so. Wow, Hinata, even _I_** **never dared to hit him!** The angle of Saraiyu's hands also signified awe.

The Hyuga girl, though wasn't paying attention to their awe. Instead, she signed frantically. **Is my crush on Naruto-kun that obvious?** Saraiyu, for the Akatsuki's benefit (plus they'd be lost in the conversation by now), spoke aloud. "Yeah… Pretty much everyone knows except for Naruto, because he's a brain-dead dobe, and Sasuke, because he's an Uchiha and keeps up that 'I don't give a damn because my last name is Uchiha' act, along with that 'I can't show emotions cause I'm a dumbass who is obsessed with killing my freaking sociopath murderer of a brother' act." Saraiyu pretended to stare wide-eyed at Itachi, and added in mock terror, "Oh, Itachi-sama, I wasn't talking about _you_ of course!"

Hinata, on the other hand, was slowly backing away from the Uchiha like he was a poisonous snake about to attack, Byakugan eyes wide with terror. "W-why w-would y-you want t-to k-kill N-Naruto-kun?" She stammered. Behind her back, Saraiyu frantically waved her hands catching, Itachi's attention. "DON'T TELL HER ABOUT THE KYUBI!" She mouthed.

Itachi smiled grimly. "You know about the Kyubi, girl?" He asked. Hinata nodded. "Well, turns out, the Fourth Hokage didn't kill the Kyubi. He sealed it inside of Naruto, and now we want it. So we're going to kill him to get it."

'No wonder nobody liked Naruto-kun! OH NARUTO MY LOVE FOR YOU HAS GROWN!' Hinata managed to think, before fainting with shock. "Good job, Itachi." Sarai muttered under her breath, before waving some smelling salts under Hinata's nose. "She can stay with you in your room, Saraiyu." Itachi said.

"And Meeca to?" Sarai asked hopefully. "OMG WTF I'M A BOY!" Meeca yelled.

Sarai arched an eyebrow. "Are you really." She said in a lofty tone. Meeca elbowed her. She slapped him upside the head. And gasped with a new idea. "WE COULD HAVE A SLEEPOVER IN THE DEN! AND ZETSU AND TOBI COULD COME TOO! YAY!" That was what she said out loud, at least. Itachi sighed. "Whatever… yeah." Deidara said wearily.

**You two know Sleepover Rules. First to fall asleep get pranked… **Suddenly, Deidara regretted consenting as he watched Saraiyu and Meeca's faces split into twin mischievous grins. Even the little Hyuga girl wore a faint smile. 'I guess I won't be sleeping tonight… yeah,' The blond thought to himself.

xXx

-**MEECA POV-**

I wiped my grin off my face when Itachi glared at us, and a sweatdrop appeared on the back of my head. "Eh… we can play games too!" I added lamely, trying to hide my nervousness with excitement. Sarai-chan winked at me. "We certainly can! Ooohh I'm so excited!" Just by her over-hyperness, I could tell she was PMSing. She always got super-hyper and extra crazy. From the sidelong glance Hinata gave Sarai, I could tell the Hyuga knew it too.

**Calm down, Sarai! **I signed frantically. She grinned at me. **Urgh. Stupid PMS. Whatever, I'll take advantage of being super-hyper while it lasts, and face the music later.** Typical Saraiyu Uzumaki for you.

I sighed. Hinata giggled in a most un-Hinata like way. **I thought you were a shy little Hyuga girl**. I signed, tilting my hand to give the 'I'm Puzzled' tone. Hinata shrugged. **I am. It's just, Naruto-kun isn't here, so I don't feel as nervous… **

I nodded understandingly, and Saraiyu ushered all of us into the (rather large) den of an Akatsuki house. I stayed behind for a second to untie Zetsu and Tobi, who followed, if rather reluctantly. Upon entering the den, my first thought was, _How the hell did she find sleeping bags?_ But then, this WAS Saraiyu we were talking about.

Claiming the dark blue sleeping bag, I sat on top of it, everyone else following suit. Sarai got the bright blue one, Hinata the gray-white one, Deidara a bronze-ish one, Sasori a red one, Zetsu a dark green one, and Kisame an aqua blue one. Tobi took the couch, Itachi fumbled around the room for a second, before landing on the last sleeping bag available – the hot pink one. **I knew it.** Sarai signed me. I chuckled – she giggled, and surprisingly Shy Little Hinata joined in.

I had a feeling that Hinata would welcome every prank we played on these guys, because she had that insane little gleam in her eyes that practically shouted YOU WANT TO KILL NARUTO-KUN SO I'M GONNA MAKE YOU PAY!

The sleeping bags formed a circle on the floor, the order going Sarai, Hinata, me, Deidara, Zetsu, Sasori, Kisame, and Itachi. Since it was a circle, Sarai ended up sitting next to Itachi. Glaring at him, she scooted her sleeping bag closer to Hinata, claiming that the bright sleeping bag would blind her for life. much to Itachi's annoyance ( apparently, he had picked up the subtle joke too.1. Tobi was on the couch, behind Saraiyu.

xXx

Since everyone agreed that they liked Sarai's cooking, just not the fact that she spiked the dango, everyone (well, everyone who mattered –cough-notTobiHinataorMeeca-cough) agreed that as her punishment she would cook _every _night, only with someone to watch her so that she didn't do anything to the food. Sarai accepted her punishment with dignity (she liked cooking), and began to pull random things out of the cabinets.

Dinner that night was shark (haha Kisame) cut into little bird-shapes, salad (mwuahha, Zetsu!), and little puppet sugar cookies that bore a striking resemlance to Sasuke, complete with the Uchida fan and all. Sarai grinned, as each person blanched at different parts of the meal. (Excluding Deidara, who found nothing insulting in bird-shaped fish, because he loved birds.)

Sasori, who knew more about cooking than anyone else (which was why his ramen was the best) stood watch over Sarai. She didn't try an funny business – she would save that for later…

xXx

**-SARAI POV-**

After I cleaned the dishes, I returned to the den where everyone was staring at each other, and nobody was talking. "This won't do! We're supposed to have fun!" I said cheerfully. Kisame cast me a withering glare. He obviously didn't like shark. "Oi! Lets play TRUTH OR DARE!" I cried happily. Everyone stared at me like this: --.

I ignored them. "I'll go first. Rules are, no sex or porn, and that's pretty much it. And eh, if you call chicken, the truth/darer gets to set the terms. Hinata, truth or dare." The shy little Hyuga glared at me. "D-dare…" She stammered. I giggled. Jurple the mouse, my lovely companion, turned on the hidden camera.

"I dare you to… KISS ITACHI!" Itachi glared daggers. Hinata fainted. Reviving my friend with smelling salts, I grinned at her. "Chicken!" She said firmly. I sighed, but I had already had a plan in mind… "Fine. I get to ask you two truths." Hinata nodded.

"Number one. Why do you like Naruto?" Hinata flushed red. "B-because h-he's s-so k-kind and s-strong a-and h-he never gives up!" I nodded. **Thought so. I'll tell him next time I see him…** Hinata shook her head violently, and Meeca laughed. "Number two. Do you think Sasori is hot?" Hinata blushed, and nodded ever so slightly. **Um, yes, but I like Naruto.** She signed. I giggled.

Nobody knew that there was a hidden camera… "K-Kisame t-truth or d-dare." Hinata stammered, though she glared at the fish. She obviously wasn't over the fact that they planned to kill Naruto. "Dare." Kisame said, puffing out his chest. Hinata grinned, devilishness in it matching my own. "I dare you to kiss Deidara!" She said, her voice firm with no hint of her usual stammer.

**A/N:**

**Dun dun dun… So do you think Kisame will kiss Deidara or call for a Chicken? Find out next chapter!**

**Jk**

Kisame licked his lips, his face a little less blue than usual. Deidara was red, and hissed under his breath, "You'd better not!" "Eh... Chicken." Kisame said, much to Deidara's relief. Hinata smiled. Leaning over, I whispered in her hear, making Kisame look like he regretted his chicken. "The chicken is… Everyone in the room gets to either truth or dare you besides me. And they get to choose truth or dare for you." Hinata said with a triumphant smile. Kisame groaned. Being the stupid fish he was, the idea to attack everyone with Samehada and then make his escape never occurred to him.

Neither did the fact that five Akatsuki members plus Tobi could easily overpower the three mischievous children sitting in the room occur to any other person, besides the three troublemakers in question. Ah, well, their loss.

"Pass." Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu, and Tobi all said, within milliseconds of each other. Kisame sighed with relief, but then remembered that the two fourteen-year-olds who would actually dare to do something horrendous were sitting right there. Meeca smiled broadly. "I choose truth. Did your father rape a shark or was the other way around?" Kisame turned red with anger and embarrassment.

"It was my father…" He mumbled. "What was that?" I asked, because this was a beautiful question, and the video-camera couldn't hear it. "I SAID IT WAS MY FATHER!" Kisame yelled. **Well, at least everyone we send this video to will hear.** I signed. Meeca, Hinata and I burst into giggles.

"Okay… so mine is a dare. Kiss Itachi. And you can't call chicken in a chicken." Kisame gaped like a fish. Hell, he was a fish. So whatever. Anyway, the point is, he was pretty pissed, and didn't want to do it. But, guess what? Standing, he mumbled an apology to his partner, and bent down and kissed Itachi on the lips. ON THE LIPS. Of course, I didn't specify that, but he did it anyway, assuming that's what I meant. Poor, poor fools who assume things like that…

Kisame glared at me, intent on getting revenge. "Saraiyu. Truth or dare." He said, his voice filled with venom. "Dare." I said carelessly. Hah, I can take anything that fish gives me. "I dare you to kiss Sasori," he said, his voice triumphant. I gave him a charming smile, stood, and walked over to Sasori, and kissed him on the cheek. Kisame glared at me. "You never specified. Plus, he's hot." I said in answer to his unspoken questions.

xXx

"I already went, so you can go, Sasori-danna." Sarai said coolly, a little flushed.. Sasori merely nodded. "Zetsu. Truth or dare." The black half of the face said dare, followed by the white half, which said truth. Sarai groaned, and rolled her eyes. "Choose one already, Tree-hugger-sama!"

"Fine. Truth."

"Um… are you really a plant?" Zetsu rolled his eyes. "No, not really. It's my bloodline." Meeca snorted. "What kind of Truth-or-Dare players are you? You're all pretty lame at it!"

Zetsu smiled, faintly amused. "Fine, then, Meeca. Truth or dare." Meeca grinned. "Dare. Give it all ya got." Half of Zetsu shrugged. The other half said, "Fine. Shake Deidara's hand." Meeca's eyebrows shot up, disappearing into his bangs. "Whatever."

Turning to face Deidara, he discreetly spit on his palm, holding it out. Shaking his hand, he felt something lick the spit. He jerked his hand away, and stared at Deidara's palm. "OMFG HE HAS FUCKING MOUTHS ON HIS FREAKIN HANDS! OMGOMGOMG WTF!" Sarai doubled over in laughter, and Hinata looked uneasy.

After about five minutes, Meeca recovered. "Deidara, truth or dare." If anyone noticed that they were deliberately not asking Itachi, nobody mentioned it. After all, the Uchiha wasn't known as the Sharingan master for nothing, and everyone valued their sanity. Continuing on this subject, nobody dared Tobi either, but that was a different matter entirely.

"Dare… yeah." Deidara said coolly. "Kiss Sar-chan. On the lips." Meeca said with a grin. **You're going to pay for this later.** I signed, pointing my hands all the way down in what could either be an urgent or threatening manner. My friend wasn't stupid; he knew it was a threat, albeit a playful one. Deidara eyed the fourteen year-old girl in askance, but sat between her and Itachi, bent over, and kissed her. Surprised, she kissed him back, and the two broke up after more time than the others had estimated.

**Good kisser?** Meeca asked with a devilish grin. **Surprisingly… yes. **Sarai said, sticking her tongue out at him. **You can thank me later,** was the cheeky response, and Sarai chucked her pillow at her friend while Hinata giggled quietly.

"Itachi." Deidara said. "Neither." Came the cold response. Sarai arched an eyebrow. "Chicken?" She mocked, goading Itachi into glaring, and responding with a truth. Deidara, in turn, asked why Itachi spared Sasuke during his Clan-Killing Spree, but the Uchiha deigned not to give an answer. Instead, he turned to Tobi. "Truth or dare." The stupid kid answered dare, and Itachi dared him to look directly into his eyes. Tobi did so stupidly, and collapsed on the couch instantly, whimpering for a couple of minutes, and then waking with a haunted look. Thus the Truth or Dare game ended quite abruptly.

Everyone glanced at each other nervously, and Itachi wore an insane grin. Sarai inched further away from him. When Tobi woke, Itachi's grin dissipated, and the tension eased, but Sarai kept the gap between her and Itachi open, squishing Hinata, Meeca, and Deidara. With an annoyed sigh, Deidara moved his sleeping bag into the gap, giving Hinata and Meeca breathing room.

Meeca chuckled nervously. "Anyone up for spin the bottle?" "No, there are only two girls," Sarai pointed out. "Actually, there are three of you." Meeca retorted, gesturing at Deidara. "Shims ((**A/N:** **She-Hims**))don't count." Sarai countered, ducking a blow from Deidara. Waggling an admonishing finger at him, she stuck out her tongue at him after she said, "Play nice."

xXx

Two hours of giggling Sarai and Meeca banters, Hinata's shy smiles, Zestsus arguing with himself, subdued Tobis, annoyed Itachis, Deidaras, Kisames and Sasoris later, Sarai shut off the hidden camera. Only Hinata, Meeca, and Deidara were awake to see her.

"You _taped_ us?… yeah." Deidara asked in a choked voice. Sarai grinned, hid the camera, and disappeared into the kitchen. Five minutes later she came back carrying toilet paper, shaving cream, markers, and an assortment of nailpolish. Deidara eyed the lot. "What's that for, yeah?" He asked. Sarai rolled her eyes.

"Rookies." Meeca sighed, exaggerating. "Don't you know the Sleepover Rules? First to sleep, first ones pranked." Chuckling slightly, he grinned. "I call the multi-personality plant-freak." Hinata giggled. She had come out of her shell for the night, it seemed, not acting as shy as usual. "I want to do the s-shark." She said quietly. "Sasori-danna is mine, yeah…" Deidara said, catching on. With an exaggerated sigh, Saraiyu said, "Fine, leave me to get killed by Itachi tomorrow morning."

A half hour later, only Saraiyu was still working, putting the finishing touches on Itachi. Holding her breath, she opened his eyes, one by one, and slipped in black contacts. "What was that for, yeah?" Sarai giggled. "Tomorrow morning, Itachi is going to wake up blind…"

"Maybe that will prolong your life," Meeca joked, and Sarai slapped him upside the head.** Evil.** Meeca sighed, rubbing his head. "Why thank you!" Sarai said aloud. Deidara looked from Meeca to Sarai wonderingly.

Turning the video camera back on, Sarai walked around in a circle, narrating. "And here is Zetsu, the famous multi-personality disordered Venus flytrap, done by Tyran Meeca." She filmed the sleeping Zetsu, whose black face now had a white dot, and the white face had a black dot. The straight line between the black and the white had become squiggly, and made Zetsu's face look like a ying-yang.

She shifted to Kisame. "Here is the shark-man, Hoshigaki Kisame, done by Hyuga Hinata." She showed Kisame, whose face was now purple. His gills had been outlined in blue, and "I Love Itachi" had been scrawled across his face. Sarai gave Hinata an approving whistle. Hinata blushed.

"Next we have the Puppet-Master Sasori, who creeps me out because he makes his puppets out of real (no, not live) human bodies! Done by Deidara." Sasori's angelic face was now paler than usual. His eyes had been outlined in a thick red bar. Other than that, nothing was different; Deidara valued his life, it seemed.

"And finally, we have the famous Uchiha Itachi, Master of the Sharingan, and the guy who scares the crap out of pretty much everyone. Please pause the movie and cover Sasuke's eyes if he happens to be watching. Everyone else, be warned. I may have gone overboard." With the warning given, she turned the camera. Itachi's eyelids had been painted bright pink, and "I love Sasuke" had been printed neatly on his face in purple. His fingernails were no longer dark purple, but a bright, bright pink. He held a Sasuke doll with in his hands.

"And now... We will prank Tobi!" Rolling the toilet paper into a clump, Meeca sprayed whip cream on Tobi's hands. He then took the toilet paper clump, and tickled Tobi's face. About five minutes later, various parts of Tobi were covered in whip cream, and the camera spent a good part of it filming the floor because Saraiyu had been doubled over in laughter.

"And that concludes our show!" Taking the tape out, Sarai handed it to Hinata. "Guard it with your life, Hinata-chan!" She said jokingly. "Bye Scari-chan!" Hinata said, echoed by Meeca. Turning, the two left, Hinata to return to Konoha, and Meeca to see that she got there safely. Sarai had sent a letter to Tsunade earlier assuring the Hokage that she would make sure Hinata returned without a scratch.

Deidara merely stared as they left. "Where are they going, yeah?" He asked. Sarai grinned. "They're leaving me to suffer, which probably won't be that long after Itachi gets the contacts out of his eyes."

With that, she slipped into her sleeping bag.

xXx

-**IN KONOHA**-

Tsunade and the rest of the gang sat in the room. Tsunade showed them the letter from Saraiyu, which was written by an obviously hyper girl, assuring Tsunade that Hinata was fine, and would be returning with a friend of Sarai's soon. All the same, Tsunade was going to give the shinobi in front of her the task of retrieving both Hinata and Saraiyu. Opening her mouth, she was interrupted by Shizune, who opened the door.

"Ts-Tsunade-sama, S-Scari-chan w-anted me to g-give y-you t-this." A perfectly safe Hinata who showed no evidence of being trapped with the Akatsuki for five days ((A/N** The journey to the Lair counts, even though she only stayed one night actually at the lair. Well, not even one night.**)) handed over a small tape. Putting it into the TV, Tsunade gaped.

The first thing everyone in the group heard was "I dare you to… KISS ITACHI!" Ino had eyes only for Itachi, while Tenten marveled at Sasori's beauty. Everyone else was gaping at the movie, watching the crazy night unfold before their eyes.

A/N:

**))1(( Cookies for everyone who also picked up the insult!**

**Hey guys, now that school has started, there will be longer gaps between updates! Sorry!**

**Anyway, hope you liked it, please review!**

**-Aes Sedai**


	8. Of Retaliations and Love?

**A/N: Heyy… Sorry I didn't get this out earlier. I'll probably be posting once a week now, my school takes up my life (boarding highschool – urck!)**

**Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to STRAIGHT FROM THE PRODUCE SECTION**

**Saraiyu: Yes, I'm still doing this. Actually, it's quite fun. Aes Sedai does not own Naruto or Spongebob HAHA! –points and laughs at Aes Sedai-**

**Aes Sedai: -mutters- Just you wait… I think I'll put a little DeidaraxSarai here… MWUAHHAA**

Note:

This is normal text

**This is inner Saraiyu… aka ME!**

**Chapter 8:**

**_Of Retaliations and… Love?_**

**-SARAI POV-**

I woke up in the morning at around four thirty. I noticed three things. The first thing I noticed was that I actually woke up. I was slightly surprised that Itachi hadn't killed me yet, until I realized the time. The second thing I noticed was that Deidara had his arms around me, and I was staring at his chest. Shit. Now how did that happen? And the third thing I noticed was that Sasori was awake. And then I realized Sasori had been awake the _whole entire night_ because he was a freaking puppet. No wonder Deidara didn't do anything to the guy.

And now I was in a predicament. I didn't want to get up abruptly, because then I'd wake Deidara, and we'd both be in a very awkward situation. _How old is he anyway… sixteen? Seventee-_ _I won't think about _that. And then I saw that Sasori was laughing at me. I gave him my best death glare, and began the process of wriggling out of my sleeping bag (and Deidara's arms).

Finally free, and standing, I glanced around the room. Tobi (who had bits of hardened whip cream on him), Deidara, Kisame and Itachi were sleeping. Zetsu was gone (probably hugging that damn tree), and Sasori was still watching me. With a nod to him, I went to the kitchen, sat in a chair, and laid my head in my arms on the table…

xXx

"_Naruto! I made ramen!" She called, and waited for her baka of a brother to arrive. He couldn't resist ramen; it was his favorite. He usually went through seven to nine bowls, so she kept a huge pot to make enough. Today, though, she used a little pan._

_When Naruto entered the kitchen, he gaped at the little bowl Saraiyu put in front of him. He stared at her with a hilarious look of what he probably meant to be outraged incredulity, his eyes wide, his jaw hanging open, and just an overall funny face. She took a picture of him, and the brought out the big pot of ramen. "GOT YA!" She yelled. He grinned at her. Thus began another prank war…_

_Someone was poking her. "Naruto, you baka, what kind of a prank is this?... lemme sleep…" A harder jab – _

Saraiyu jerked awake. Damn Kisame and his chopsticks; she was having a good dream… _Oh well, it's not like an S-Class criminal would care over much. _The girl glared at the shark, and realized that his face was no longer purple, but he still had a faint outline of "I Love Itachi" on it. It was also a light blue (which would be slightly pink on a normal person), signs of hard scrubbing. Sarai grinned inwardly, and looked around. Sasori looked normal, as did Deidara. Itachi's eyelids had a hint of pink, and his fingernails were purple again, though bits of bright pink showed through.

She choked as she tried to hide laughter, and got a tissue. Hiding her face behind it, Sarai doubled over in laughter, gasping for breath. After about five minutes or so, the girl composed herself, and threw the tissue out. Catching a glimpse of ripped blue cloth painted with the Uchiha fan, and some stuffing, she grinned. _Looks like Itachi didn't appreciate the doll I had so painstakingly made for him. Ah well, his loss._

Yawning, she turned back to the others. "What time is it?" Ten thirty was the answer. Walking over to the refrigerator, she pulled it open, reaching for an apple. Surprisingly, Sasori stopped her. "We made ramen for breakfast." He said shortly, and shoved a bowl at her. Sarai arched an eyebrow suspiciously. Something wasn't right…

Scratch that, something was totally and utterly wrong, the girl realized, as she began to eat her ramen. The Akatsuki were staring intently at her, with the exception of Itachi, who was the only one who succeeded at nonchalance. Well, for anyone else it was nonchalance; for an Uchiha, it was probably impatience just beginning to fray.

Soon, Sarai began to feel sleepy. Realizing their plan, she grinned inwardly, and yawned. Putting an accusing look on her face, she murmured, "You drugged it!" in a somewhat shocked tone, and promptly fell asleep, but not before she could think, _amateurs…_

Kisame, Sasori and Deidara grinned at each other. Itachi smirked ever so slightly…

xXx

When she woke, the first thing Sarai did was look in the mirror. She giggled slightly at her reflection; was that the best they could do? Her hair was done in messy pigtails, and her face was a pastel blue. Dark purple lined her eyes, and an Akatsuki cloak had been thrown over her own clothes. Amateurs. If they wanted a prank war, they had just gotten one. What they didn't know was that Saraiyu Uzumaki was the best of the best, and was the victor of 95 of the Naruto vs. Sarai wars.

Giggling, she redid her pigtails, and checked the time. Twelve, just in time for midday. Checking to make sure the trademark Uzumaki obnoxious smile was plastered on her face, she pranced out her door, down hallway and stairs, and into the kitchen where Sasori was making ramen (following the scroll, Sarai noted.)

Everyone but Itachi smirked at her triumphantly. Sarai beamed at them, and said, "I love my new look. Don't you?" in an overly-bright tone. Three triumphant looks crumpled into shock. Kisame looked like he had choked on something. "What's the matter, sharky? Feeling a little blue? Don't worry, I am too," Sarai commented. Deidara laughed until Kisame shut him up with a death glare. Deidara sweatdropped. After, Kisame's death glare was pretty scary. Really, have _you_ ever seen a shark give you a look that shouted "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU"? No. Didn't think so. So empathize with the guy.

Sasori ladled the ramen into five bowls, but Sarai left hers untouched. "Why aren't you eating ramen, Saraiyu?" Kisame smirked. Sarai grinned at him. "Because I'm sick of ramen. Plus, I'm trying to think of something that I'm going to make for dinner!" Kisame glowered. Standing, Sarai pulled out a box of cake mix, a tub of chocolate frosting, and some other ingredients.

Deidara eyed the stuff askance. "What is that for?"

"I'm making a cake, _duh_." Sarai said, rolling her eyes. She left the kitchen, returning to her room.

xXx

**-KISAME POV-**

Dinner that night, made by Saraiyu, was salad and pasta. I ate it, but wondered aloud why Saraiyu didn't make something _good_ like rabbit stew or something. I was surprised by a stormy look crossing the girl's features, and a no-nonsense young lady with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot angrily at me.

"I do not eat meat." The girl said in a soft, dangerous tone I was used to hearing from Itachi. "_Especially_ wild animals. I do, however, eat domestic animals, I just don't make it." I hid my shock at her vehemence, and raised my eyebrows. I couldn't quite raise just one, and I didn't want to look like an idiot.

"Oh? You make shark, though," I said coolly. I didn't want her to know that shark annoyed me (since I was half-shark), but she probably already knew it did. Damn girl.

"Duh. Shark comes from the water. I don't particularly like sea-creatures, with the exception of dolphins, seals, whales, sea lions and the like. I especially hate sharks." I glared at her. She glared at me. Whatever. Stupid girl, talking like she actually had conversations with the animals.

For desert, Saraiyu had made a chocolate cake. She handed the cake knife to Itachi, who proceeded to cut the, soft, chocolate-covered vanilla cake. But the cake didn't give way; it was hard. My partner glared at the cake, and stabbed the knife only succeeding in getting it stuck.

Saraiyu was giggling. Stupid prank, making a super-hard cake. Drawing my sword (which was totally unnecessary, but I felt the urge to chop something), I sliced the cake neatly. And stared. The girl had her face buried in her arms, and was shaking with laughter. Grudgingly, I inwardly admired her skill for pulling off pranks; I mean, who else beside her would think of covering an extra-large roll of toilet paper in chocolate frosting?

xXx

((**A/N** Sarai has to pay for making fun of me in the Disclaimer… Be forewarned.))

-**SARAI POV-**

A soft creek woke me. Opening one eye just a crack, I saw the shadowy form of Deidara creeping into my room through Itachi's door. Focusing, I saw the dim silhouettes of the other three Akatsuki. I inwardly wondered what prank they were going to attempt this time, and shrugged. Whatever, it wasn't like they were that great at it anyway…

An hour later, Deidara woke me again, but this time he was returning my wool cloaks; winter was practically here, yes, but what did they need with my cloaks? After Deidara left, I slid out of bed to investigate. Opening my closet, I found my brown cloaks were now black with red clouds in the Akatsuki fashion. Smiling inwardly, I made some minor adjustments…

I woke later than usual that morning, despite all the sleep I had gotten the previous day. It was eight, and I was changing, when I heard the door creak behind me. Whirling around, I yanked the comforter of my bed and drew it to me.

xXx

**-SASORI POV-**

A shrill shriek pierced the walls in every room of the house, and a wide-eyed, panic-stricken Deidara rushed into my room. Swiveling in my chair, I turned to face my partner, who had thrown himself onto my untouched bed. I didn't even know why I kept the thing; after all, I didn't sleep. I didn't need too.

"This had better be good, Deidara." I said coldly. The sixteen-year-old blonde looked up at me, a slightly panicked look on his face still. "Sasori-danna! I-I… Sarai… prank… dressing… yeah…"

The annoying, thick-headed, idiot of an artist trailed off, flustered, and was rapidly turning red. It wasn't long before a look of horror and – interest? – crossed his face. I arched an eyebrow; I had a pretty good idea of what happened, judging from the girl's scream.

"Deidara… all I have to say is, you're in deep shit. I doubt that girl liked being walked in on, and if she is good at annoying the hell out of all of us, I think she'd be very good at extracting revenge in some way." Cool amusement touched my voice. Deidara pouted.

"I _know_ that but… what am I going to do, yeah? Knowing her, I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up in ice cold water every morning for the next year! Itachi _has_ to get that stupid fox soon!... yeah!" I shrugged, and returned to painting my mini-puppet.

xXx

Midday was as usual, with the absence of Saraiyu. The girl hadn't been seen since Deidara had… well, whatever. Deidara was silent, and for once, he wasn't arguing with Sasori about art. Actually, the blond looked like he was thinking, but that was a ridiculous thought; Deidara doesn't have the brain capacity to think that intently… or does he? Whatever, this is a humor story, not a psychological analysis.

Anyway, the peaceful meal was interrupted by Saraiyu's late appearance. She stormed into the kitchen, face pale with fury. She was still that angry? The black Akatsuki-style cloak that had been meant as a prank was not hidden, surprisingly, but flaunted, the red clouds now a pastel blue.

"Deidara. We are going for a walk. _Now_." Her eyes were as icy as her tone. Everyone looked like this: o.o, except for Deidara who had a kind of strangled look that clearly said, "I'm to young to die!... yeah!"

xXx

-**DEIDARA POV-**

Saraiyu and I had been walking in the forest for about an hour now, heading deeper and deeper into the woods. She reminded me of a cat with its back arched, stalking angrily the whole time. It seemed like she was thinking of something extra horrible to do to me…

My thoughts went along the lines of "_Can someone PLEASE explain how a girl two years my junior manages to scare the shit out of me?_" Yeah. I admit it. I was scared silly… I was thinking to deeply (something my partner didn't think me capable of) and was startled when Saraiyu stopped abruptly in the middle of a clearing.

The girl had halted and turned to me, her face a cold mask of indifference. Something I expected from Itachi at his angriest, not from a young, bubbly, hyperactive prank-pulling girl. I'm not gonna lie – it was pretty freaking scary. Her lips where compressed in a tight line, and she seemed to be battling on what to do first; yell at me, or kill me. _The executioner has arrived. All prisoners to be condemned immediately…_ My thoughts were far from cheerful.

"So…" Saraiyu started. "Why did you… Do…" She stumbled, searching for the right words, her face softening briefly. And then it hardened again. Looking up into my eyes (she was far from tall, but she came up to about my nose) she gave me what was undoubtedly her best death glare, and gathered the sides of her cloak as a cold wind swept through.

Tone harsh, she spoke. "Do you… like cows?" I gaped. All this… tension, for nothing? For a silly question? I glowered at her. "No…yeah." I said coolly. Truth be told, I did like cows a little. But I didn't want her to know that. Information is key, and I wasn't about to give this girl the slightest detail about me.

"Okay then. Do you like penguins?" Oh man. This time she got me good. I _loved_ penguins. How could I deny it? Answer is, I couldn't. "Yeah… I love penguins… they're so small and cute, and black and white… yeah." My words sounded lame to my own ears.

Surprisingly though, Saraiyu's cold mask cracked into a bright, beaming smile. "Cool! I like penguins too!" I was taken aback. What the hell was going on? But a thought slid across my conscious mind…

"Do you know what… who I also like?" I murmured, leaning forward. Closer. Closer… and I kissed her. Almost immediately, I felt her fist drive into my stomach. I backed away, coughing. Looking up into her eyes, I expected to see that unnatural cold mask back in place. Instead, she was still beaming.

xXx

**-SARAI POV (Warning: Slightly weird)-**

I was shocked. Deidara kissed me, and I punched him. No, that part wasn't shocking. The shocking fact was that I felt his lips lingering on mine, and I _liked_ it.

_Aes Sedai, you idiot of an authoress, you had better NOT be messing with my hormones!_

**Don't worry.** Came the happy tone of the crazed authoress. **I am. And it is FUN!... F is for friends who do stuff together u is for you and me…**

_Urgh. Whatever. But why Deidara, the unknown gender guy?_

**Oh. Would you prefer the shark or the family-massacre culprit?**

_Neither._

I glared at Aes Sedai. Well, not really, but Aes Sedai saw my glare. In fact, she is writing it at this moment. Actually, I'm telling her, and she's writing it. It's a confusing concept…

But I was jolted out of my argument with the insane Aes Sedai because Deidara was kissing me again. And this time, I was completely mortified to find that I was enjoying it. Stupid authoress, messing with a fourteen-year-old's hormones… Pushing away, I stepped back, and peered up at the blond nukenin under veiled eyelashes.

"I forgive you…" I said shyly. _Damnit Aes Sedai, what kind of a line is _that? _Can't I at least say something more interesting!_

_  
_**Let me think about that… no…**

xXx

About two and half hours later, Deidara and Saraiyu returned to the kitchen, both of them flushed slightly, and surprisingly, Deidara was alive. No joke. But the guy was staring at Saraiyu kind of dreamily, and Saraiyu was pointedly ignoring the blond. The Akatsuki gathered in the room for a tournament of Hungry Hungry Hippos (the standings were currently Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu and Hidan in the finals as pink, red, green and orange respectively, and the others, including the mysterious Rei-sama were already out) paused the game momentarily to stare at the love-struck Deidara like this: O.O until they were interupted by a bark.

"Wtf is that?" Rei-sama said coldly.

"Oh this? It's my new puppy. Sir." Sarai said, equally cold.

"Is it named?" Asked Sasori.

Sarai nodded. "Yeah. I was thinking about Angel, but then I remembered that this beautious puppy is a boy. And then I thought, what about Sharky? But then I thought, well I don't want to give this gorgeous puppy a bad rep (I mean Fish-face isn't exactly the handsomest shark on the block). And then I thought the PERFECT name."

"What did you name it?" Sasori asked suspicously.

"I named _**him** _Itachi." Sarai beamed, putting emphasis on him.

Everyone caught the murderous look on Itachi's face and sweatdropped, including Itachi (the puppy). Sarai did kind of. Not really though. She hid her nervousness by petting Itachi (the puppy) and murmuring, "Ohmygosh Itachi, your ears are soooo soft."

_Duh._ Itachi (the puppy) replied, mindvoice slightly babyish (after all, he IS a puppy.)

Itachi (the puppy) walked over to the Akatsuki Itachi and peed on him.

Itachi (the phsycopath murderer) gave Saraiyu a death glare, and stalked out of the room.

**A/N:**

**Sorry that was kind of lame. And don't worry, this is the ONLY story in which Saraiyu gets to argue with me…**

**Sorry, I wrote that while high on those little fruit-flavored tootsie roll type of things. You know what I'm talking about? Theres like, orange, pink, green, blue etc. I love those things…**

**Anyway, I'm out…**

**-Aes Sedai**


	9. Of the Leader's Secret

**A/N: Yay! Chappie 9! **

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**Saraiyu: -sigh- I learned my lesson from the last chapter –shudder- Disclaimer: Sarayu Aes Sedai does not own Naruto. But she owns a life that she bought at Wal-Mart. **

**Chapter 9:**

**_Of the Leader's Secret_**

The mysterious Rei-sama let out a bark of laughter (no pun intended) after Itachi peed on Itachi, and Itachi stalked out of the room. In a poof of red smoke, the Oh-So-Mysterious Leader disappeared, presumably to wherever he lived, or perhaps he went to a woman's bathing place because he was a closet pervert like Ebisu? Deidara was wiping away tears of mirth, Sasori was wore a dry smile, and all of the others showed some type of amusement (but only half of Zetsu did).

Saraiyu called to Itachi in a hyper, sugary baby-talk voice, and the puppy raced over to her. The yellow lab jumped into her arms, and the two (human and dog) proceeded upstairs, so Itachi (the dog) could get acquainted with Sarai's room.

After they left, Sasori turned to his partner with a somewhat accusatory air, smile dissappearing. "Where the hell were you two!" Deidara suddenly became very interested in his feet. "We went for a walk…yeah… and then we saw a puppy, and Sarai… well… yeah, you get the picture, yeah?" The blond shinobi mumbled.

Sasori glared. "You missed the monthly Hungry Hungry Hippo Tournament! How could you! No one _ever_ misses that, unless they're on a long-term mission!" The puppet seemed more angry that Deidara missed the Tournament than the fact Deidara was gone with Saraiyu for two and half hours. The rest seemed a little hurt that Deidara had chosen to stay with Saraiyu than enter the Tournament.

Deidara hung his head, ashamed. "I'm sorry, Sasori-danna… I forgot, yeah…" Shuffling his feet, the former Iwa ninja returned to his room, shamed.

xXx

When Itachi woke the next morning, he couldn't find his undergarments. "Argh. If that freaking girl took them I swear I'll kill her…" Naturally, Uchiha Itachi meant his threats, but unfortunately for him, he couldn't kill Saraiyu just yet. Sliding out of bed, his foot landed in… dog crap? "Damnit!"

* * *

Kisame woke early for some odd reason. Not knowing why, he shrugged it off and began dressing. But he couldn't find his undergarments. They just weren't there. Though the shark misplaced some things now and then, never would he have forgotten where he put his underclothes. So where in hell were they?

* * *

When Deidara woke the next morning it was because a bird was pecking at his window. Staring at the bird, his gaze slid off of it as he focused on the thing behind it.

* * *

Sasori stood at the base of the Big-Ass Tree in the middle of the Akatsuki village-lair, and stared. Soon, Hidan and Kakuzu joined him, both of them snickering. Deidara came, followed by Zetsu who popped up out of the groud and scared the crap out of Kakuzu, whereupon Hidan began lecturing Zetsu about the evils of popping up out of the ground. 

About five dazed minutes later, two very embarrassed Akatsuki members with their cloaks buttoned all the way up and shifting uncomfortably approached the rest of the group. It wasn't long before Saraiyu, carrying Itachi, joined them.

The group either glared, stared, or laughed in Sarai's case, at the tree. Itachi rounded on the girl, but was stopped by a high-pitched growl. Grimacing in pain as Itachi bit him, Itachi (the Akatsuki) managed to kick the puppy away, causing said puppy to yelp and return to Saraiyu.

No one dared mock Itachi, but they had no qualms about mocking Kisame. "So, Kisame, are the whitey-tighties yours, or are the pink boxers?" Deidara asked innocently, voice accompanied by the chuckles of others. Kisame drew Samehada. Deidara sweatdropped, and disappeared in a puff of yellow smoke. Everyone else quickly scattered, leaving Kisame and Itachi to gather their undergarments. (**A/N: You have to ask me who owned what in your review. MWUAHAHHA**)

xXx

Breakfast was quiet. Again. Itachi was glaring at Saraiyu, Kisame was giving Deidara the "I want to chop you up with Samehada so badly right now" look, and Sasori was amused by the whole thing. Standing (and trying to avoid Itachi's Mangekyo Sharingan) Saraiyu delved into a cabinet and came out with two bowls. She filled one up with water, and the other one with dog food. Where the hell she had gotten dog food was beyond everyone, excluding Deidara who had been with her at the time.

Speaking of which, Saraiyu let Deidara know that they were **_so_ **over once she got control of her hormones back from Aes Sedai. It crushed Deidara, but, being a heartless S-Class immature criminal, he got over it in a grand total of about five minutes.

"Iiiiittttaaaaacchiiiiii!" Saraiyu called in a slightly high-pitched baby-tone voice. Said man jerked his head up, glared at the back of Saraiyu, and returned to eating. Said puppy skittered into the kitchen, slid across the tiles, and ran into Saraiyu.

_Oh boy! Bweakfust! _The puppy's mind-voice was muffled in Saraiyu's ears, due to the fact that Itachi was now stuffing his face into his dog bowl. Saraiyu rubbed his ears, while murmuring in a not-so-soft voice, "Itachi, sweetie-pie, you are such a cute puppy, yes you are!"

Itachi died. No, not the Akatsuki Itachi, sorry. No, not the puppy Itachi either. How could I kill such a cute widdle thing?. I'm talking about the little bug that Kisame had named Itachi right before squashing it. But back to the story.

The doorbell rang and Itachi the cute dog and Itachi the mentally unstable human raced or stalked to the door respectively. At the door, Itachi barked at Zetsu, and Itachi kicked Itachi, which drew a yelp from Itachi, who then bit Itachi who also yelped and kicked Itachi again, which in turn, made Zetsu stare at Itachi with half of a face that said "Omfg Itachi, you just kicked a poor, cute widdle puppy-dog. How heartless are you?" and another half that said, "Omfg you are SUCH a cute doggy!" **(1)**

Anyway, both Itachis, followed by only one Zetsu (what a shame) entered the kitchen. "Rei-sama has a mission for the four of you. Actually, Rei-sama has a mission for _everyone_. It's a one-day mission. We're all just supposed to scout out Orochimaru's Sound village. We can't let the Snake-Sannin take your little brother's body – he'd become way to powerful. So Rei-sama wants us to spy and report, just to keep tabs on them."

Itachi and Kisame exchanged thankful looks, as did Sasori and Deidara. Inwardly, Kisame was doing the Kisame Victory dance, which was pretty much doing the Cotton Eye Joe while chopping random things (-cough-Saraiyu-cough-) up with Samehada, but he was only wearing his undergarments. Weird, yes?

"What about the girl? Knowing her, she'll screw the whole mission up." Zetsu nodded, seeing the logic in Sasori's comment. "Rei-sama will deal with her. He wants to meet the infamous Uzumaki girl, the one who has you all annoyed to death."

The four Akatsuki shared an evil look, and a barely audible "Oh shit-taki mushrooms!" came from said 'infamous Uzumaki girl'. Saraiyu quickly hid her unease with a sudden fit of hyperness. Bouncing to her feet, she bounded upstairs, donned her Akatsuki-mocking cloak, and returned back to the kitchen in the blink of an eye.

Zetsu glared, and left, motioning for Saraiyu to follow. Scooping up Itachi, the girl did, the feeling of unease growing. They were barely out of the door when the plant grabbed Sarai's arm, and Itachi jumped to the ground. The world spun, and Sarai shut her eyes tightly as smoke stung them.

She inhaled smoke and staggered as Zetsu let go of her arm. When she opened her eyes, she was in a clearing in the woods where she and Deidara had gone for a walk. Zetsu led Sarai to a rock, and disappeared under it. Staring, Sarai realized that there was a small crevice just barely big enough for a person of Zetsu's build to slide into. More than enough room for Sarai to jump in.

xXx

-**SARAI POV-**

I slid into the rock and found that – I'm not gonna lie – this secret hidey-outey place was pretty sweet. Anyway, I followed Zetsu deeper and deeper into the ground and it occured to me, what is with evil people and underground lairs? I mean, last time I checked, Orochimaru was hiding in a series of underground hideouts with Sasuke, and the Akatsuki leader is underground too?

The tunnel finally came to a stopped to reveal a series of rooms. "Ah… Uzumaki Saraiyu… welcome to my home..." Fuck. That dude scared the crap out of me; he was all mysterious with shadowy stuff surrounding him, and he had just freaking snuck up on me!

Whirling around, I glared at the Leader as Zetsu disappeared for his mission. "Don't sneak up on me like that, you bastard!" I yelled at him. He looked taken aback for about to way cool two seconds, and then he glared right back at me. I sniffed, and stared down my nose at him (which was kind of hard, because I was shorter than him, so I sort of had my head tilted up while staring down my nose?)

"So… is this gonna be like a sleepover? Because me. Hinata-chan, Meeca, and some other of your Fluffy Cloud group had one a few days back and it was FUN! Which brings me to the Fluffily Cloud Group question. Why'd you name your Cloud-Gazing group Akatsuki? I mean, really, Red Clouds at Dawn? What kind of name is that? I mean, it isn't exactly a name that would inspire fear in anyone who hears it!" I shook my head empathetically.

"Shit. I'm stuck with a hyperactive girl..." I heard the Rei-sama mutter.

"What a… _profound_ statement! Amazing! Genius! Really, please tell me, what was your first clue?" I asked sarcastically. The Leader glowered, and sweatdropped. I could tell he really, really was wishing he had sent me with Itachi. Just to annoy the totally dangerous guy (I know, not exactly smart) I grinned, and asked, "So why are we having a sleepover anyway?"

The whole time, we had been walking down a long, long, _long_ hallway. Now, the Leader stopped at a door and faced me, glaring. "Everyone else is on a top-secret, important mission that you undoubtedly would screw up. On purpose." I grinned cheekily at him. It was reassuring to know that the Cloud-Gazing Leader was not entirely stupid.

xXx

The Leader left Saraiyu at the door for his own room, with instructions to stay put until dinner, which would be in the kitchen at seven. Whatever happened to lunch was beyond Saraiyu, but she wasn't complaining. All the more time to think up a long list of questions, and interesting ways of blackmailing the Leader for the answers.

The Leader returned to his own room, inwardly regretting keeping the girl with him for a night. It probably would have been better to shut her up with Zetsu and see if she was made a meal during the course of the night. But that wouldn't do. The Kyubi was needed.

Still, the annoying girl's comments about the name Akatsuki had stung and stuck. Hadn't the girl ever heard The Myth? Akatsuki is such a good name, if you go by the myth... the Leader's thoughts were interrupted by a huge fit of sneezing. _Damnit! Whosever talking about me better stop, and soon!_ He thought, still sneezing.

* * *

Somewhere in her room, Saraiyu was muttering, "Ask the Akasuki Leader this… and ask the Akatsuki leader that… and ask him this…"

* * *

When the sneezing fit subsided, the Leader found himself at his door. And now he had some peace and quiet before he had to face the annoyance again at dinner… 

Dinner, as the Rei-sama expected, was torture beyond anything he had ever endured. That damn girl and her incessant talking annoyed him to no end, and worse, his irritation caused him to yell answers to her questions, which gave her reason to beam infuriatingly. It was like the girl lived to annoy him!

"Soooooo…. Rei-kun, why'd you name your group Akatsuki?" The girl asked, her eyes wide with innocence.

The Leader glared. "Ever heard the myth that when the clouds are red at dawn, someone has been murdered?" The girl's eyes went wider with awe, if that was possible, (the Leader was almost 100 percent positive she was faking it) and she oohed and ahhed until he snapped, "Shut _up_!" Which brought her to her next question. One that the Rei-sama dreaded more than anything…

xXx

-**SARAI POV-**

"So… why do you always hide yourself in shadows?" I asked the Leader. Unsurprisingly, he gave me a death glare. Surprisingly, before he gave me my death-glare-present, a flash of… uneasiness? … showed in his eyes. I grinned; obviously, I had hit a sore spot.

"I mean, even now, with just me, you're wearing your Shadowy-cloak mabob. Personally, I think it makes you look ugly." The Leader winced at the word ugly. Bingo!

"Hn." Was his simple reply. Urgh. Come on, can't you people think of something else? All I get from Sasuke and Itachi (when they're not yelling at me) is a "hn". It is really getting _waaay_ to old. Find something else. Of course, I didn't say that. That'd be so crossing the line, and I only toe it. Believe it or not, but I do love life.

"Take off your shadows! Please? Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepppppppllllleeeeaaaaaaassssse!" The Leader glared at me and in annoyance, his shadows dropped. I gaped, and the shadows resumed.

"I swear by my honor as a shinobi, I will not tell ANYONE." The Leader nodded, accepting my oath. Only, there are two problems with that. A) Shinobis don't have honor and B) Even if they did, I'm not a shinobi. Haha, SUCKER!

But really, I was quite alarmed. "Wow. I'm surprised! Who would have thought that the leader of a bunch of hot criminals would be… so _ugly_? I mean, Kakuzu, Hidan, that blue-haired creep (who, bye the way, I've seen a total of once), Kisame, and Zetsu aren't that bad, if you care for weird/plants/religious-fanatic/shark-like guys. And Sasori (in his true form, the one he usually wears around the Headquarters), Deidara (once you figure out he's a guy), and Itachi (if you ever get over the fact that he's a sociopath murderer who belongs in an insane aslym and is never going to get help unless his weakling of an idiot brother manages, by some source of great luck to kill him) are just downright hot. So what happened to you?"

The Leader glared at me. Yep, defiantly a sore spot for the guy. Standing, he left the room. With a huge, fake yawn, I returned to my own room as well. Laying on my bed that night, I thought, _Do they really want Naruto _this _bad?_ before drifting off to sleep.

xXx

The next day, Rei-sama went with Saraiyu back to Headquarters. Blindfolding her (she had absolutely refused to do more of the disappearing-in-a-puff-of-smoke stuff) he led her out of the Secret Hideout. The blindfold made the girl run into just about everything possible, and trip numerous times, though the Akatsuki Leader was quite sure the damn kid was over-exaggerating. About mile away from his Lair, Rei-sama removed the piece of cloth. The girl was surprisingly silent, but her nose twitched, and she said in a quiet, disguted tone, "Urgh. _What_ is that smell?"

As they walked closer and closer to Headquarters, Sarai kept wrinkling her nose, and covering it. Finally, about a two hours walk (at the snail's pace the two were traveling at) away from the village, the two found Zetsu in a clearing. The carnivorous plant was being a carnivore and eating a dead body. The Leader glanced over at the girl; her face was pale, and she looked like she was about to sick up.

"I… I think I know the way back to the village from here…" Saraiyu said faintly. And then she left at a dead sprint, dashing behind a bush. Distinct noises that could only be her throwing up could be heard quite clearly. Half of Zetsu grinned, pleased at unsettling the annoying girl.

xXx

Kisame, Itachi, Deidara and Sasori had been enjoying a good half-day without Saraiyu, but it wasn't much quieter. Itachi had wanted to kill the dog, but Deidara stoutly refused to let him, claiming that Saraiyu would make them _all_ pay. Secretly, he thought of the dog as a beautiful work of art, and Sasori agreed. The four had been arguing at the top of their lungs when the doorbell rang. Going to answer it, Itachi was horrified to find a huge group of hooded and masked fangirls waiting with pens, paper, and other things that shall not be mentioned for they would change the rating of this story.

**A/N:**

**Dundundun….W**

**(1) Cookies for anyone who followed that sentence.**

**W00t! YAY! **

**Oh, and I'm holding Chapter 10 hostage until I get... 43 reviews (yes, random number, no?)**

**--Aes Sedai**


	10. Of Uzumaki Saraiyu?

**A/N:**

**Here we go; the big 1-0! I wrote this chapter while in the middle of writing chapter 9 cuz I had an AWESOME idea I just couldn't forget… And you never get the same idea while sugar-high twice…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Cause if I did, Itachi would be in an insane aslyum.**

**xDD this one is for all of my cool reviewers!**

**Chapter 10:**

_**Of Uzumaki Saraiyu?**_

Itachi stared at the fangirls who stood menacingly at his door. Hands hidden within his cloak, he made a clone, and sent it running. "Split up!" The short leader cried, voice strangely familiar. But then, Itachi had heard a lot of voices in his life (but he definatly preferred death screams over fangirl squeals.)

A quarter of the girls followed the clone, but a half of them followed the real Itachi through the woods, in crazy, squiggly circles around the wall of the village. The last quarter of girls bent down to ooh and aah over Itachi the puppy, who happily responded to their love and rolled over on his belly.

But back to the Akatsuki murderer was using up a lot of chakra to get away from the girls, only to find that they kept catching up. Itachi wasn't too worried; he felt Kisame's chakra signature approaching at an alarmingly fast rate; at any moment, every one of the girls would be either unconscious, scattered, or chopped up into tiny bits depending on how restrained the shark-man was feeling.

All he had to do was survive till then, which was easier said than done.

xXx

-**SARAI POV-**

I had gathered a group of Itachi-crazed fangirls after I had gotten over Zetsu's little… snack (note to self; NEVER PISS ZETSU OFF). We were hooded and masked so Itachi couldn't recognize us; by us, I mean, well, mainly me.

I led my group of masked, hooded, and Akatsuki-cloak wearing fangirls into the wooded path. It wasn't long before we had cornered Itachi; not too long at all. His back was against a random brick wall that I'm pretty sure the crazy authoress stuck in there, but whatever, and there were big cliffs (again, also inserted by the authoress, and will probably dissappear after this scene) on either sid of him.

Giving the signal, my gang advanced on the chakra-low S-Class criminal. With a maniacal grin on my face, hidden by my mask, I smirked, "Phase I, Locating Akatsuki Base. Check. Phase II, Locating Itachi the Puppy As To Not Get The Human And Dog Mixed Up. Check. Phase III, Cornering Uchiha Itachi. Check. C'mon girls!" We all advanced in unison, and raised our pens menacingly. And then I felt something connect with the back of my head, a sharp stab of pain, and darkness swirled around me…

xXx

Itachi sighed slightly in relief as the leader-fangirl crumpled under the flat of Kisame's Samehada. All of the other girls scattered, most of them screaming bloody murder (which was true in a way, or would be very soon, if Kisame had his way), leaving their leader unconscious on the ground.

"Hn." Itachi said, with a nod to Kisame. Kisame understood it to be Itachi's thank you, because the guy was emotionless. Kisame had learned to interpret Itachi's very slight emotional giveaways, which was useful for whenever the guy was in a murderous mood.

Kisame bent over the fangirl and yanked off her hood and mask in one movement, revealing, not so shockingly, Saraiyu.

"I knew it…" Itachi muttered darkly. With a sigh, his partner hefted the girl and carried her back to Headquarters.

xXx

"_I think you hit her really hard…"_

"… _sleeping for three days…"_

"… _shut up! She's waking…"_

My first instinct was to yell at Kisame and give him hell for knocking me out in the most uncivilized manner. But then a thought hit me (well, the Authoress chucked it at me, but who cares. I got the idea in some random fashoin, okay?)… A slow grin spread across my face, as I opened my heavy eyelids.

"Hi!" I said cheerily, sitting up in bed as Itachi and Kisame glared at me.

"I. Fucking. Hate. Fangirls." Itachi hissed. I looked up at him, feigning puzzlement. "Fangirls? What? Why?"

Itachi glared. "You set fangirls on me!"

"What? Did I? Who are you? More importantly, who am _I_?"

"You fucking mean that you don't remember any fucking thing?" Kisame asked, gaping disbelievingly.

"Well… I think... no, I know I am… Say, no… Sair… Sarai. Yes, that sounds right… Sarai. That's me." I beamed. Itachi's eyes narrowed. For a split second, I thought his Sharingan could see through my hoax, and breathed easier when I realized he was just being his normal paranoid self. I really needed to get him a phsycaiatrist **(sp?).**

"You are Uzumaki Saraiyu. I am Uchiha Itachi. My partner is Hoshigaki Kisame." He said simply. I blinked. "Am I? Uzumaki? Why do I have such a strange name? Why do _you_ have such a weird name, Uchiha? Hoshigaki?" Kisame glared at me.

"Last name first. You are Saraiyu. He is Itachi. I am Kisame." I giggled. Kisame raised his eyebrows. I arched one in return. "Pray, tell, what is so funny?" Fish-Face asked me angrily. I grinned at him. "Itachi is even funnier than Uchiha. I mean, where is parents drunk or something when they named him? _Weasel?_"

Itacihi's Sharingan eyes flashed angrily. "No. They were perfectly normal."

"Of course..." I said, but my long coughing fit sounded strangly like "they were on crack, sorry, Kisame's were drunk"

xXx

Itachi glared at Saraiyu. Damn Kisame. The shark-man could have full well just knocked her out without the unnecessary force that had caused the girl to forget everything. Damnit! Well, as long as the Kyubi didn't find out, she was still useful, and the sociopath murderer felt that the girl would be much less annoying. Hoped, really.

Nodding to her, he stood, and motioned for Kisame to do the same. They both left through the adjoining door, into Itachi's room.

"So… what do you make out of this?" His partner asked in a soft voice. Itachi's eyes narrowed. "I am not quite sure… she certainly seems to have forgotten everything… but then, she _is_ a good actor, and she would do something like that." Kisame nodded.

"Exactly what I was thinking - ! Oi!" The door had burst open and Deidara had been forced to jump aside as Itachi flung a several kunais at him. "Knock, damnit!" The Uchiha hissed angrily. Deidara shrugged and smiled boyishly.

"Is she awake and well, yeah?"

"… Yes and no. She is awake, but it seems she has suffered amnesia." Deidara let out breath he didn't know he had been holding in. Saraiyu was the only one around who was at least close to his own age, and it was kind of fun to watch her pranks take their toll. In short, Saraiyu was his friend, even if the guy wouldn't admit it.

"MISSING HER MEMORY? Are you freaking kidding me, yeah?"

Itachi glared, and Deidara sweatdropped. "Umm… yeah, I'll let Sasori-danna know…" Deidara backed out of the room quickly. Itachi's gaze fell on Kisame again. The shark grinned nervously and left.

xXx

Sasori's eyebrows climbed higher and higher towards his hairline as Deidara started and ended his story. The boy was stupid to rush into Itachi's room without knocking… but the girl missing her memory? Strange, but not unheard of…

The puppet's musings were interrupted by a loud shriek of panic from the kitchen. Gesturing for Deidara to get out of the way, he made his way to the source of the noise. Nothing could have prepared him for the scene that greeted him.

The girl was hiding under the table; a pot on the stove was boiling over, making the fire hiss, and ramen noodles were strewn all over the counter. Rolling his eyes, Sasori walked over and turned off the stove. Turning back to the girl, he ordered, "Clean up the noodles now." When there was no answer, he ducked under the table. No freaking way. The girl was _asleep_!

With a sigh, he kicked Sarai. She jerked awake, eyes wide. Maybe she truly had lost her memory…

"Um. Hi! I'm Sarai… yeah. And you are...?" Sasori stared for a moment, before replying with a simple, "Sasori." Sarai smiled. "Hi!" She repeated. Sasori glared at her, and ordered her to clean up the kitchen again.

So unlike Uzumaki Saraiyu, the girl complied.

xXx

-**ITACHI POV-**

Slowly, surprise and annoyance overtook me. I couldn't find the girl anywhere. She wasn't in her room, in the kitchen, in the den, or anywhere else. The last anyone had seen of her, as far as I knew, was when Sasori had her clean up the kitchen after the ramen disaster.

I knocked on my partner's door; it was a matter of courtesy because the shark man knew my chakra signature even though I had it shielded against most people. Kisame opened the door, slightly irriated. Even S-Rank criminals get cranky when they miss their naptime. "What is it, Itachi?"

"We're going on a short search for Saraiyu. Check five miles outside the walls, all around. She's been missing for about a half hour now… No one has seen her." Kisame nodded, and disappeared. I, on the other hand, was going to climb the Big Tree to see if she was up there. Knowing her, she probably would be.

--

Standing at the base of the tree, I looked up. My eyes couldn't see through the leaves like the Byakugan probably could have, but I had a feeling the girl wasn't up there. Looking around the village, I was puzzled. Where could she have disappeared to? I glared at the window to her room, and my line of vision slowly went upward. Damn that weak, annoying, baka of a girl!

In a puff of smoke, I appeared on the roof of the house. All of Deidara's things were up there, down to the last window-sill decoration (which, unsurprisingly, was a book on art.) Deidara himself was sleeping in his bed, blissfully unaware of his current location.

Now, I was seriously annoyed. The girl was probably behind all of this, but then, there was that problem of how the hell she had done it, and the memory issue. It could be possible that she had not retained her memory, but kept her up her tricks?

xXx

Something hit the napping Deidara. Hard. Eye flying open, the blond missing nin yelled, "Whatt, yeah!" He gingerly touched the forming lump on his forehead, and rolled out of bed. Not surprisingly, he hit the floor hard. Surprisingly, he started rolling, catching a glimpse of a seriously annoyed Itachi.

"EEEEEEEIIIYAAAH!" Sasori looked up from his puppet-painting, and out the window for artist inspiration. What he saw wasn't exactly what he was looking for; His partner was falling from… the roof? A voice (undoubtedly Saraiyu's) yelled, "Have a nice trip; see ya next fall!" as Deidara attempted to create a clay bird before he hit the ground. At the last possible second, the idiot succeeded.

On the roof Itachi sighed. Perhaps it hadn't been a good idea to throw a book at Deidara after all. With a sigh, he poofed away,reappearing on the ground next to Deidara.

"Wtf were you doing _on the roof_?" Itachi hissed, while Deidara was absentmindedly thinking, _Wow, that's the most Itachi has ever said to me in one sentence…_

Both of them knew the answer, of course, but neither could explain it. Only one person could, and she was currently suffering memory-loss.

xXx

Dinner that night was surprisingly quiet, though Sarai would giggle whenever she looked at Itachi. Annoyed, the Kisame finally snapped, "Why the hell are you giggling?"

"He's… a… weasel!" The girl managed to gasp, before collapsing into yet another fit of giggles.

Kisame glared, and muttered something that sounded like, "Annoying… memory-loss… girl… iyak!"

"Oi! It's a miracle! I've got my memory back!" Saraiyu yelled loudly and melodramatically. Everyone glared at her. She grinned back, and yelled, "GOT YA!"

The doorbell punctuated her yelling. Racing to the door, she opened it, and grinned at the man who entered. The man was about six feet tall, brawny, and wore half-moon spectacles on the bridge of his nose. He carried a single yellow-paper notebook, and a pen. He wore collared shirt and wrinkle-free pants.

Bringing the stranger into the kitchen, she told him to introduce himself to Itachi.

"Why, hello, U-c-h-i-h-a Itachi." The man started, spelling out Itachi's last name, and speaking very slowly as if the Uchiha genius were stupid. "I hear that you have some problems in your mind. I'm Dr. Philz. I'm going to help you correct, which means fix, your problems. We can fix your mentally unstable state here, but if you don't behave like a good little boy, we'll have to move to my laboratory, which is called the Insane Aslyum." Itachi's eyes bulged as his hands formed seals rapidly, and Sarai knocked the doc over, saving him from_ Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu! _just in the nick of time.

**A/N:**

**Dundundun…**

**Kinda short, but w00t!**

**Will Itachi go to the "Insane Aslyum" or will he cooperate and be a "good little boy"? Find out in the next chapter!**

**Or just take a wild guess ;)**

**Hey you guys... I think the next chapter might be my last chapter... BUT after the last chapter, I'll have a Characters Meet the Authoress chapter (s?) and then... ON TO OROCHIMARU!**

**--Aes Sedai**


	11. Of Dr Philz and the Kazekage?

**A/N:**

**Chapter 11 woot woot!**

**Yay! SO I hope you guys like it!**

_**-**Camera action-_

Normal action

"Dialogue"

**Chapter 11:**

**_Of Dr. Philz and… the Kazekage?_**

Standing, Dr. Philz brushed his pants off. Wagging his finger at Itachi like the man was a boy, he said, "Now, now, child, you need to control your anger. I understand how hard it is to control your emotions; it is merely a symptom of the psychotic problem we are going to fix."

Itachi glared at the man, tomoe spinning dangerously. The shrewd doctor pulled out a tomato. "MINE!" Itachi yelled, and dove for the red fruit. Upon retrieving it, Itachi held it to his chest like it was a prized possession that someone was trying to steal.

"Ah… second symptom… obsession with tomatoes…" the Doctor muttered, while writing notes onto his yellow pad of paper. Itachi sent the man a death glare, who stupidly ignored it. The Doc was used to death glares from all of his patients… but he had never had a patient who would actually follow through with his threats given half a chance. A quarter of one.

Sasori, Deidara and Kisame stared at the Doc like this: O.O.

They left to room quickly, and proceeded to place bets on how long it would take before Itachi killed the Docter. Sasori bet four to five minutes, Deidara two, and Kisame had no comment. The Legendary Sucker, who couldn't resist a good bet, appeared for about two seconds to say "Doc will NEVER die!" and then disappeared again.

xXx

Back in the kitchen, the doctor was now testing Itachi's reflexes. Itachi was, for some reason, complying the doctor, probably because the Authoress was making him… but whatever.

"Now. Sit down, on this high-chair." The doctor pulled out a small, plastic mallet. "Now, I'm going to tap your knee and see how good your reflexes are." And the doctor proceeded to do so. Itachi's eyebrow twitched, which, if Kisame had been there to interpret, meant he was ready to end this guy's life in the most painful way possible… but for some reason, the guy held back.

The doctor had barely touched Itachi's knee when… Itachi's leg kicked out, hitting the doctor squarely in his sensitive spot. Doubling over in pain, the doctor managed to write "excessive violence" on his yellow pad.

"Now… next test. You must figure out which one is the apple, and which one is the tomato." The doctor put out two tomatoes; this was a trick test. "MY TOMATOES!" Itachi grabbed both tomatoes.

Saraiyu watched over the Doc's shoulder as he wrote down "passed tomato test but is obsessed with the fruit…" The fourteen-year-old almost choked with laughter, tears streaming down her face.

While Itachi was giving Dr. Philz the death glare, Sarai threw five unusually thick senbon needles at him. The shinobi already had a kunai out and ready to deflect the needles, when they stopped short, as if the air itself had hardened and kept them there (which they had.)

Out of the blue, a flag popped out of the needles. Each flag had a single word, and the words created the sentence "Have Fun At The Aslyum!"

Itachi choked with fury, and Saraiyu took the opportunity to turn on the secret camera, and leave hastily. In the solitude of her room, she switched between spying on Itachi and Dr. Philz, and the other three.

"_So… do you wanna play strip poker?" Kisame asked, completely and thoroughly bored. Sasori and his partner merely stared, before each nodded ever so slightly. Reaching into one of the many pockets of his cloak, the shark pulled out a deck of cards._

"_I'm just gonna say now… I rock at poker…yeah." Deidara commented. _

_Kisame snickered. "I think we might actually find out what sex Deidara is…"_

_Sasori managed a fairly creepy grin, which totally didn't fit with his angelic face._

_Deidara merely snorted and retorted, "You wish, Shark-face!"_

_The three decided on five-card draw. The first hand was delt out, and Deidara grinned; the blond shinobi had absolutely no poker face whatsoever. Kisame grimaced, and Sasori was the only one who showed no emotion_

"_Two cards." Deidara said, trading in two for a new pair. Sasori followed suit with three, and Kisame with two. _

"_Flush!" Kisame cried triumphantly, showing his cards. Sasori exchanged looks with Deidara. There was no way either of them could beat that… "Two fours…" Deidara mumbled. So he had been bluffing. Sasori grinned, placing his cards down face up. Two fives. _

"_Hm… Take of your cloak, Deidara…"_

Sarai grinned as she switched cameras, going back to Dr. Philz and Itachi. Itachi was now tied down to the chair with chakra-absorbing ropes, wondering how the hell Dr. Philz had managed to acquire those.

"_Now, now, Itachi, I need you to answer my questions!"_ _Dr. Philz exclaimed, grinning maniacally. _Saraiyu could easily tell that Itachi was starting to doubt that Dr. Philz was an ordinary, sane doctor. He was starting to realize that Philz was as insane as himself, perhaps more so.

"_Tell me, what is this a picture of?" Dr. Philz asked, holding up an abstact picture that was obviously a tomato. It was even colored in! _

"_A tomato. Duh." Itachi responded coolly. "… obsessed… tomatoes… saw tomato… ink blot…" the doctor muttered as he wrote on his clipboard._

"_Argh! What's up with you and tomatoes!" Itachi hissed angrily. Dr. Philz poked his chest with his forefinger, while shaking his head and saying, "Now, now, Itachi, I think the real question is what's up with _you_ and tomatoes. And really, I'm here to help with your excessive-emotion problem. But I think you're having a hard time adjusting to all the anger that you keep bottled up! Huh, you could probably kill your whole family if your anger exploded in an inopportune moment." _Sarai snicked. Dr. Philz had no idea how close he had hit home.

_Itachi smiled coldly. "You're right about one thing a least, old man," the Uchiha prodigy murmured. "Of course I am! Oh dear, you are far too mentally unstable to be tested here! I'm going to have to bring in the E/FPMA Team to get you to the Asylum on the double!"_

_With that, Dr. Philz picked up the phone, dialed a number, whispered "Code 40000003482387562839511! I repeat, we have a Code 40000003482387562839511!"_

"_Wait a minute. What is the E/FPMA Team?" Itachi asked, voice layered with suspicion and contempt. Dr. Philz grinned. "E/FPMA stands for the Escort/Force a Psychopath Murderer to the Asylum."_

_Then the mad doctor sat down smiling serenely, and the two waited for a grand total of two seconds, before an army of garden gnomes who resembled the words/numbers Code 40000003482387562839511 as the marched in. Surrounding Itachi, the gnomes picked him up and frog-marched him outside. Itachi's eyes were wide, trying to use the Sharingan. No such luck, of course, because his bonds were chakra-absorbing, and his bloodline limit required chakra. Poor, poor, Itachi._

Satisfied that Itachi was on his way to hell, Sarai turned off the camera and joined the other three Akatsuki in the den. She stopped short and stared. Deidara had no socks, cloak, or shirt, but he did have a bandage wrapped around his chest. Either he was wounded, or he was a she.

Sarai snorted and asked, "Can I play?" The others nodded, and made room for her in the circle. Next to Deidara. The half-naked shim. Go figure. Deidara desperately hoped that Sarai was worse than him in poker for two reasons. Both which the authoress shall leave for you to guess.

The game proceeded, and the cards were dealt out, and before anyone knew it, the round was over. "Four kings." Saraiyu said triumphantly throwing her cards down. "Three aces." Sasori smirked. "Three queens."

"Three eights…" Deidara mumbled. Laughter echoed Deidara's statement, and Kisame managed to choke out, "Bandages… off…" With an exaggerated sigh, Deidara pulled off the bandages revealing…

Someone gasped. **Dundundun… **

A big, long scar. Covered up with a bandage. Really, could Deidara get more vain? The gasper was identified as Sarai who gasped because since Deidara had been revealed as a guy, she could acknowledge that he was hot without feeling gay.

Deidara grinned, and he smirked at Kisame, the dealer. He knew that Kisame had been setting the deck the whole game, and it was time to turn the tables on Sarai…

xXx

-SARAI POV-

As the game progressed I managed to lose my cloak, my sandals, (damn me for not wearing socks). After that, I started to get suspicious. Something smelled fishy; I had no doubts that Kisame was probably setting the deck. Damn that shark. When I lost the next round, and consequently, my shirt, I started to have doubts about finishing the game.

And why the hell was I playing this anyway? It was quite obvious that the second Itachi came back from the asylum, I'd be dead. I gathered my cloak and shirt and stood up. "I'll be right back." I said.

Deidara arched an eyebrow, and followed me out of the room. "I'm coming with you yeah… we have to finish this game."

"Pervert!" I yelped. "I'm _trying_ to go to the bathroom!" With that, I took off to my room, locking the door behind me. Deidara wouldn't dare go into Itachi's room, so he wouldn't be able to get into mine.

I hastily packed extra clothes, an extra cloak (I'm happy to say I got my plain, sturdy brown ones back), pulled on another pair of sandals and my shirt. Writing a quick note, I was out the window by the time Deidara yelled, "You're taking an awful long time!" Idiot. I would be out of the village before anyone could say damn it!

xXx

Deidara stood outside Sarai's door, pounding on it and yelling, "COME ON YOU'RE TAKING FOREVER!" He figured he'd be here for over twenty minutes, and his racket drew Kisame.

As Kisame approached, he rolled his eyes, and yelled, "I'm knocking down the door in five seconds!" And in five seconds, Kisame chopped up the door with a maniacal grin on his face. Pfft. And they said _Itachi_ needed to go the Insane Asylum.

xXx

Sasori sat at the kitchen table with a sigh. For some strange reason, he had _hoped_ that Deidara would turn out to be a girl. Maybe he had hoped that Deidara's being a girl would explain some of the former Stone-nin's strang quirks, and his completely and terribly wrong view on art. Well, those hopes were dashed, and the puppet was now trying to drown himself in sake, which wouldn't work because, well, he was a puppet.

Of course, Itachi was the best brooder in the whole world, and since Sasori was doing a damn good job of it right now, naturally, something had be done to distract him and stop him from exceeding Itachi's masterful brooding-skills. That something came in the form of a knock on the door.

As Sasori moved to open it, the door opened itself. Or rather, sand did. A fourteen-year-old boy stormed into the building, and stopped dead when he spotted Sasori. "I am Gaara of the Sand, container of the Shukaku." Gaara said coldly. "You are part of the Akatsuki, I presume?"

Sasori merely nodded, staring at this cute red-headed boy. Red hair, just like his own- wait, did he say Shukaku? "What are you doing here? Surely you know that we are planning to hunt you down and kill you." Gaara sighed and nodded, patting his giant gourd protectively. "Yes, I am, butI wanted to meet you under a truce. I need some advice." Sasori nodded his assent.

"They offered me the position of Kazekage. Should I take it?" Why the hell would Gaara aske _Sasori _of all people something like that? But Sasori wasn't paying attention. He was staring at Gaara's red, beautiful hair... _You have such beautiful red hair..._ Sasori thought, and was surprised when Gaara responded, "So you do..." The puppet hadn't realized that he had said that out loud...

"Lets go for a walk, and leave this Kazekage buisness for later..." Thus Akasuna no Sasori and Sabaku no Gaara linked arms and left the building. Anyone who knew both of them as a children (which was pretty much nobody) would have instantly seen both of them as their six-year-old cute selves, wheraupon they probably would have puked.

_xXx_

The grin slid off of Kisame's face as he picked up the letter lying on Saraiyu's bed – or rather, her old bed – and began reading.

_Dear Akatsuki – _

_I've had a great time with you guys and everything, like, the sleepover and such, but I've decided its time for us to part ways. You're all really, really, _really _freaky sociopath murderers (in a good way!) that want to hunt to my brother and kill him. Sorry, but I just don't agree with this. So I'll write my parting song – make sure Itachi sees it – and I'll take my leave…_

_Waddily atcha, waddily atcha…_

... _goes doodily, doodily doo. WOO!_

_Always, _

_Saraiyu Uzumaki_

Kisame ground his teeth. Itachi was going to murder him when he got back from wherever he was! Well, he'd probably murder Deidara or someone. Itachi was fond of Kisame in a twisted way, though he'd never admit it and would probably kill Kisame in cold blood if the shark ever stood in his way, but he still cared for Kisame. Problem was, the ex-Mist nin wasn't exactly sure that was a good thing. Just thinking this made Kisame remember the day that the two met…

-FLASHBACK-

_A six-year old Itachi stood in a clearing, chucking shuriken and kunai at a tree-stump with vengeful rage. Apparently, this was how the ickle-sweet six year old boy took out his anger, a sign that he would need a psychiatrist when he grew up. Either that, or he'd turn out to be a sociopath murderer. At least, that was what the seven-year-old Hohsigaki Kisame mused as he hid in a bush. _

_Picture it. A cute chibi version of Kisame watching an even cuter chibi version of Itachi. Anyone who saw them was inclined to wonder aloud how the hell they both went wrong. Either that, or one was inclined to barf. _Saraiyu was favored the latter, and would have if she had seen it, or even _heard_ of it. Fortunately for her, she hadn't.

_Kisame was forced to roll out from under the bush as a shuriken came flying his way. "Watch where you're throwing those things, shrimp!" He yelled angrily, standing. He swayed a little, still trying to get used to Samehada's weight and awkwardness. I mean, really, any adult would have trouble wielding a big-ass sword, but a seven-year old shark? Come on, get real!_

"_You should not have been spying on me." Even at age six, Itachi was cold and emotionless. Except when he was around his brother Sasuke, the poor, neglected baby. Kisame smiled. "Hoshigaki Kisame, pleased to make your acquaintance." _

"_Uchiha Itachi." Weasel? How interesting…_

_For the next years, Kisame kept tabs on Itachi, and Itachi on Kisame. Neither knew that this would result in them being paired together when they joined the Akatsuki years later…_

_Nevertheless, Kisame was shocked when he heard that the cute little 6 year old boy had mastered his bloodline limit at age 8, and become ANBU captain at age 13. And Itachi wasn't all that surprised when he learned Kisame had become one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist._

-END FLASHBACK-

When Kisame was jerked out of his reverie, he felt Itachi's chakra signature stumbling home. Going into the kitchen, he waited until Itachi entered. A tipsy, disheveled, wide-eyed, furious looking Itachi.

"Where is that damn brat?" Itachi hissed angrily. "Well, about that… she um… escaped."

A loud "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN SHE ESCAPED!" scared the birds out of the Big Tree. Two hours later, a black-and-blue, bloody and unconscious Kisame was signed into the care of the medic-nins, and was followed by a half-dead Deidara in no better form an hour later. Itachi sat brooding in the den chair, completely unscathed, wondering where Sasori was.

**A/N:**

**The End. Stay tuned for the next chapter, "Characters Meet the Authoress!" I'm soo, sooo ,sooooooooo sorry that this one took FOREVER. I just have sooooooo much homework now. I think the Orochimaru sequel will come out in about a week to two weeks, but I haven't decided a name yet.**

**--Aes Sedai**


	12. Enter: Aes Sedai!

**A/N:**

**Here it is. The long awaited Characters meet the authoress.**

**Warning: randomness**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto… cause the characters would kill me if I did. I do not own any of the Disney/Nickolodean/children's TV shows mentioned either.**

**Meet Aes Sedai**

_**The Crazy Girl Behind the Scenes**_

Hello. I am Saraiyu Aes Sedai. Or just Aes Sedai. Or Sedai. But not Aes. Just… no. It doesn't work that way. But anyway, I'm rambling. But I like rambling...

Yes, you're probably wondering what I'm doing. Currently, I'm staring at the four (very close) walls. There's hard glass between me and another empty room. Probably so I don't get killed.

You're all probably wondering why I am in a little interrogation cell. Key word _interrogation. _As in Saraiyu (the character) somehow jumped into _my_ world and dragged me into the one I created. Yes, I'm in deep shit. I know that; that much, a three year old chibi version of Naruto could guess. And believe me, that's saying a lot.

And now, the crazy girl wants the Akatsuki to actually _meet_ me. She's explained to all of them that all of the crazy, OOC things they've done can be laid at _my_ feet. So not true! And you're probably wondering why I went along with this. Well, Sarai said she'd send me home if I did this. If there is still an Aes Sedai to be sent home. Secretly, I dread meeting Itachi the most. Itachi + Mangekyou Sharingan equals Not fun.

Hopefully Itachi will be first so that I can get the worst done with first. Ah well…

Ehyaskdsa;klsl; OMFG MY SS! –yawn- If you couldn't tell. I just had a rude awakening. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, and Sarai left it to Deidara to wake me up… clay spiders… explosions… -shudder- Just wait Sarai… there IS going to be a sequel…

The clay spiders gave him away; my first victim. Deidara of Iwa. Fun, yes? No.

"So… I just had a few questions… yeah…" I smiled. "And I'll happily answer them."

Deidara grinned. "Okay, so why did _I_ have to be the one to walk in on Saraiyu, yeah?"

Phew. Easy question. "Well… just cause it would be fun if someone who looked like a gi- OMG WTF WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP FLICKING SPIDERS AT ME!" Apparently, Deidara doesn't like it when I make fun of his looks. Oh well…

"Second question. Why did I have to get beat up so badly when Kisame got drunk!...yeah." I rolled my eyes. "Duh. It was _funny_." Yikes. Yet another explosion… when I get home (if I ever do) I'm going to have a lot of burn marks.

"Third and final question, yeah. Why doesn't Saraiyu like me! I mean, yeah, I like her, for some odd reason, but … yeah… And _why_ do I like her?"

I'm going to give Deidara a half-answer. I am _so_ not going to get myself killed by telling him that I made him like Saraiyu.

"Well… the second one is pretty obvious. And so is the first one for that matter. I mean, who would like a guy that looks like a really pretty girl? Except for Itachi, of course, but really? It's a pretty logical reason to why Saraiyu doesn't like you. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out!"

Deidara shrugged, gave me a "yeah" and left. Yes. One down and three? to go. Oh goody…

Numerous swears (Kisame still hadn't reverted back to his usual polite self. I think Sarai made a permanent impression on him) as big sword got caught in the door alerted me Kisame's arrival.

Oh great. Shark + big-ass sword equals bad. Very bad.

The first thing Kisame did after he got his Samehada free was break down the glass wall. Smart move, Sarai. What a great protection; a glass wall that was felled with one blow from the giant sword…

Gripping me by my front collar (of a bright orange shirt, coincidentally; but actually, I'm not wearing a jumpsuit. Just an orange polo, a white skirt, and orange flip-flops) he lifted me of the ground.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU SEND MY PARTNER TO A FREAKIN INSANE ASYLUM!" I winced.

"I didn't. Go talk to Dr. Philz about that." Kisame dropped me unceremoniously, presumably to go seek out Dr. Philz, leaving me to tend the small cuts from the glass. Poor Dr. Philz. More importantly, poor _me_.

Next up… Sasori.

"Hm. I don't really have any complaints…" The hot puppet shrugged and walked out. Huh, I'd rather if _he_ stayed for two hours and Itachi never came… Which brought me to the question of the final person coming to bitch about their misfortunes in my story. Itachi.

I'm gonna need some serious luck to pull through this one, especially since Kisame broke the glass (which Itachi could have destroyed with one finger, but you know, it was like, a comfort object. The glass was to me as a binky is to a baby.)

Hmm… maybe Itachi would see a black cat, walk under a ladder, and then get killed by a man-eating bunny! Or better yet, he'd come across Sasuke who would manage by some stroke of great luck to get Itachi drunk and then kill him…

My hopeful yet totally unrealistic dreams were crushed when Itachi walked into the room. Right off the bat (I didn't even need Kisame to interpret it) I could tell Itachi was dead-pissed. He was practically shaking with fury, and that's a lot of anger for Itachi. He could like, kill five Uchiha clans plus the Hyuga clan with that much anger.

The first thing the Uchiha did was pull his chair so that we were practically sitting nose-to-nose. Or more importantly, eye-to-eye (actually, I'm very short, so it was more like eye-to-chin, perhaps even lower, but the point his, he was LOOKING ME IN THE EYE WITH A FRICKIN MANGEKYOU SHARINGAN!)

If I wasn't panicking before, I am now.

"First question. _Where the hell did you come up with that annoying waddily song!_"

"First Answer: Summer camp. I got a whole lot of them, want to hear more?" Believe it or not, Itachi blanched. And I actually managed to keep my cool and not pee my pants.

"I. Hate. The. Color. Pink!" I smiled at him.

"Could've fooled me…" The Uchiha was rapidly turning red with anger. Actually, he was just getting paler with rage. Uchihas don't get red. I think it's a clashing thing, like red tomatoes don't match red faces?

"And why do you keep insisting that I like my foolish little brother?"

"Simple: You only killed your _whole freaking clan_ except for said foolish little brother. Put 1 and 1 together, and you get 2. Hmpf, and you're supposed to be the Uchiha _genius_. Ha! The whole clan must've been on crack when the gave you that title!"

Itachi gave me the Sharingan Glare ©Itachi, Sasuke & Kakashi.

I gave him the glare of someone who has skipped right past mentally unstable and straight to "insanity" without passing Go and without collecting $200, aka ©Anyone whose seen Dr. Philz lately.

"And what was up with the Beyblade match? Aside from us all being drunk, you could have at LEAST made me _win_ the stupid thing!" I shrugged.

"Sorry. I'll make you win next time." My voice was layered with sarcasm.

Itachi started giving me the ©Anyone whose see Dr. Philz lately glare.

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE ME A FREAKIN MAKEOVER AND SEND FREAKING FAN GIRLS AFTER ME!"

I gave him a lopsided smile, a shrug, and a "It was funny."

"And Dr. Philz. I thought life in the Uchiha compound was hell. But _that_ is all fluff and pretty pink clouds and little puppy-dogs and heaven compared to that… that _asylum!_ They… made me watch… Teletubbies… and then dangled a tomato in front of me… but never gave it to me… and never will I watch Out of the Box, PB&J Otters, or ANY of those shows again. I will always hate blue dogs, Swiper the Fox -- all foxes for that matter, otters, peanut butter and jelly, boxes, and the giggling, baby Sun. Forever."

By now, Itachi was rambling. After about five more minutes of this torture, he finally lost it. Gripping my collar (jeez, maybe I should quit wearing polo-shirts) he… well, I'll gloss over this and give you the summary: I pretty much got the crap beaten out of me, much to Saraiyu's amusement.

…………….

By the time I was back in my world, there was no difference from when I left. I was still sitting at my desk, reading. It was still 6:50 AM in the morning, and I was still waiting for my ride to school. The only difference was, I felt like I had been dipped in water, suffocated, wrung out, and then magically turned into cheese, grated, strung, and also pulled through something that turned me into a stringy swirly yellow-white cheese stick, and then turned into a cookie that got all crumbled up.

To make a long sentence short: I felt like a group of three deadly ninjas beat me up for something I didn't do. Minus the didn't do part, and you get the picture.

**A/N:**

**Sorry that took so long!**

**Hope you liked it!**

**--Aes Sedai**


End file.
